Today was just so long. And I don't know what to write for this take home. I just want to sleep. But I have just over three hours to bang out at least four pages on this take home, and then we'll finish going over the last two philosophy questions, and then I will hopefully have time for a shower before we go write the final.

There's something about Doctor Who.

It's hard to put a finger on it exactly. A lot of people will say it's adventure, it's wild, it's scary, it's an escape. But something about it strikes me really deeply, which is unusual for a TV show.

I always get pretty emotionally invested in fictional characters, whether book, movie, TV show, or whatever. I cried when Sirius died, and in A Walk To Remember. I ship characters and get really happy when they finally get together. But there's some quality about Doctor Who that's hard to place. Maybe it's because what it's really about is a lonely man travelling the universe in a blue box. Episodes like Journey's End just knock you over the head with that because the TARDIS goes from this:

to this:

They go off and have adventures and learn about life and the world and save people and planets and universes over and over again, but in the end the companions leave, or forget, or get lost, and it's just the Doctor again, alone.

Maybe it's because of scenes and quotes like these:
"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things but vice versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant."
"Look at the sky. It's not dark and black and without character. The black is, in fact deep blue. And over there: lighter blue and blowing through the blues and blackness the winds swirling through the air and then shining, burning, bursting through: the stars! And you see how they roar their light. Everywhere we look, the complex magic of nature blazes before our eyes."

Then again, maybe it has to do with my own experience over the last semester. Especially the way I perceive myself and others. That's one big thing about the Doctor. Like in the Christmas special last year, when he asks a boy "Who's this?" and the boy answers, "Nobody important." He turns slowly back to the boy and says, "Nobody important? Do you know in nine hundred years of time and space I've never met anyone who wasn't important before."

Maybe it's silly how inspired I get sometimes. Maybe it's silly that a TV show can make me feel better about the world. Maybe I'm just crazy with stress and worry these days, and just looking for an escape. I do think it's ridiculous that I can't articulate my thoughts or feelings about it.

And now I'm watching Journey's End again just because, and I'm going to cry. Wilf is a bamf.

Exam tomorrow. Bedtime now.

ways I waste my time these days:

Doctor Who. It can be funny, serious, sad, and inspiring, so no matter how I feel I can pick an episode and enjoy it. Lately I keep watching Doomsday, Journey's End, and Vincent and the Doctor just because they all make me cry.

youtube. I listen to music ALL the time, or I watch those BBC TV serials that I can't find anywhere else.

reading. I finished two books last week while I should have been writing my English and theology papers.

blog-creeping. people are fasinating.

playing sheepshead. Last time I played I was completely out of it so I lost pretty big, but I'm getting way better at the game so overall it's been worth it.

I'm not getting much homework or studying done.

I am quivering with emotion. My deepest feelings, straining against my skin, spilling from my lips, pouring from my eyes. Undefined, raw. Boundless. It's a wonder no one sees. The very air must be trembling. I ache with overwhelming passion. Everything my senses take in simply fuels it all. Every beautiful lyric, every stunning image, every cruel comment, every heartbreaking story. Like a physical power, forcing itself out of my body. I want to scream with the joy and pain of it all.

oh, school life

I went from being good at harmony (last semester) to being completely shitty at it (last week) to being among the top people in the class (today). I don't understand how people struggled so much with building dominant seventh chords, and it pisses me off that I wasted so much time this weekend working on our homework and hand-in assignment when he just cancelled/postponed them. I could have been working on philosophy, in which case I wouldn't be so stressed right now.

I'm also sick of freezing up whenever I have a melody or rhythm test. I can rock this shit if I can just do it front of the instructor.

Philosophy sucks cause I have so many other classes that I don't really care about it, and because the text is so dense and the prof isn't overly interesting. Theology might be interesting but I hardly remember any of the classes so probably not. And English is honestly pretty boring. The only course I love is choir, which is so great I think of it more as downtime than class-time.

People are awesome.

I have many more friends living in houses this year so I think I need to go visit all of them. It's definitely nice to get out of the apartments and the school every so often.

And finally, I'll be home for a visit on Friday! I am so pumped for this, it's unbelievable.

When your tears are spent on your last pretense, and your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense...

work, and some other things

Something I have learned over the last couple of weeks since I started work is that while I like getting off work early, I really prefer closing shifts over morning. My boss leaves at around 5 and so does one of my managers. The less people left at work, the more fun it is. Eman, the closing manager, is my favourite and she loves me too so it's always fun with her. As long as I don't get stuck closing with the slowest cashiers, it usually ends up being a good time. I still don't want to go back next summer, but it's going better than it was for the first two and a half weeks.

The grad is on Wednesday. How weird that all my TA kids are graduating ;)

My birthday was so good. I worked for 9.5 hours but I came home to my entire family over for dinner, cake, and gifts for me and my dad. I got "birthday presents" at work (my managers gave me a couple of boiled eggs and a cucumber) and even though it was insanely busy most people were oddly lighthearted so it was not a terrible day. The evening was awesome with all my family. Sunday was like a continuation of my birthday - two friends from Abbotsford showed up out of the blue (they meant to go to Fleetwood CRC for the evening service but hit traffic, so they came over instead) and I got to hang out with them for a bit. Then Abby surprised me with a cupcake and sparkler and some other treats! Between the three of them, they made my day. And on Saturday I am going out for dinner and then drinks with a few friends so it just goes on and on.

School is up in the air. I keep forgetting to call SFU/am working whenever I think about it and they are closed when I get home.

I have a sweet new list of books to read. Even better, I have a sweet new stack in my room to read.

Listening to: For Good - Chris Colfer and Lea Michele