Today was just so long. And I don't know what to write for this take home. I just want to sleep. But I have just over three hours to bang out at least four pages on this take home, and then we'll finish going over the last two philosophy questions, and then I will hopefully have time for a shower before we go write the final.

There's something about Doctor Who.

It's hard to put a finger on it exactly. A lot of people will say it's adventure, it's wild, it's scary, it's an escape. But something about it strikes me really deeply, which is unusual for a TV show.

I always get pretty emotionally invested in fictional characters, whether book, movie, TV show, or whatever. I cried when Sirius died, and in A Walk To Remember. I ship characters and get really happy when they finally get together. But there's some quality about Doctor Who that's hard to place. Maybe it's because what it's really about is a lonely man travelling the universe in a blue box. Episodes like Journey's End just knock you over the head with that because the TARDIS goes from this:

to this:

They go off and have adventures and learn about life and the world and save people and planets and universes over and over again, but in the end the companions leave, or forget, or get lost, and it's just the Doctor again, alone.

Maybe it's because of scenes and quotes like these:
"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things but vice versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant."
"Look at the sky. It's not dark and black and without character. The black is, in fact deep blue. And over there: lighter blue and blowing through the blues and blackness the winds swirling through the air and then shining, burning, bursting through: the stars! And you see how they roar their light. Everywhere we look, the complex magic of nature blazes before our eyes."

Then again, maybe it has to do with my own experience over the last semester. Especially the way I perceive myself and others. That's one big thing about the Doctor. Like in the Christmas special last year, when he asks a boy "Who's this?" and the boy answers, "Nobody important." He turns slowly back to the boy and says, "Nobody important? Do you know in nine hundred years of time and space I've never met anyone who wasn't important before."

Maybe it's silly how inspired I get sometimes. Maybe it's silly that a TV show can make me feel better about the world. Maybe I'm just crazy with stress and worry these days, and just looking for an escape. I do think it's ridiculous that I can't articulate my thoughts or feelings about it.

And now I'm watching Journey's End again just because, and I'm going to cry. Wilf is a bamf.

Exam tomorrow. Bedtime now.

ways I waste my time these days:

Doctor Who. It can be funny, serious, sad, and inspiring, so no matter how I feel I can pick an episode and enjoy it. Lately I keep watching Doomsday, Journey's End, and Vincent and the Doctor just because they all make me cry.

youtube. I listen to music ALL the time, or I watch those BBC TV serials that I can't find anywhere else.

reading. I finished two books last week while I should have been writing my English and theology papers.

blog-creeping. people are fasinating.

playing sheepshead. Last time I played I was completely out of it so I lost pretty big, but I'm getting way better at the game so overall it's been worth it.

I'm not getting much homework or studying done.

I am quivering with emotion. My deepest feelings, straining against my skin, spilling from my lips, pouring from my eyes. Undefined, raw. Boundless. It's a wonder no one sees. The very air must be trembling. I ache with overwhelming passion. Everything my senses take in simply fuels it all. Every beautiful lyric, every stunning image, every cruel comment, every heartbreaking story. Like a physical power, forcing itself out of my body. I want to scream with the joy and pain of it all.

oh, school life

I went from being good at harmony (last semester) to being completely shitty at it (last week) to being among the top people in the class (today). I don't understand how people struggled so much with building dominant seventh chords, and it pisses me off that I wasted so much time this weekend working on our homework and hand-in assignment when he just cancelled/postponed them. I could have been working on philosophy, in which case I wouldn't be so stressed right now.

I'm also sick of freezing up whenever I have a melody or rhythm test. I can rock this shit if I can just do it front of the instructor.

Philosophy sucks cause I have so many other classes that I don't really care about it, and because the text is so dense and the prof isn't overly interesting. Theology might be interesting but I hardly remember any of the classes so probably not. And English is honestly pretty boring. The only course I love is choir, which is so great I think of it more as downtime than class-time.

People are awesome.

I have many more friends living in houses this year so I think I need to go visit all of them. It's definitely nice to get out of the apartments and the school every so often.

And finally, I'll be home for a visit on Friday! I am so pumped for this, it's unbelievable.

When your tears are spent on your last pretense, and your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense...

work, and some other things

Something I have learned over the last couple of weeks since I started work is that while I like getting off work early, I really prefer closing shifts over morning. My boss leaves at around 5 and so does one of my managers. The less people left at work, the more fun it is. Eman, the closing manager, is my favourite and she loves me too so it's always fun with her. As long as I don't get stuck closing with the slowest cashiers, it usually ends up being a good time. I still don't want to go back next summer, but it's going better than it was for the first two and a half weeks.

The grad is on Wednesday. How weird that all my TA kids are graduating ;)

My birthday was so good. I worked for 9.5 hours but I came home to my entire family over for dinner, cake, and gifts for me and my dad. I got "birthday presents" at work (my managers gave me a couple of boiled eggs and a cucumber) and even though it was insanely busy most people were oddly lighthearted so it was not a terrible day. The evening was awesome with all my family. Sunday was like a continuation of my birthday - two friends from Abbotsford showed up out of the blue (they meant to go to Fleetwood CRC for the evening service but hit traffic, so they came over instead) and I got to hang out with them for a bit. Then Abby surprised me with a cupcake and sparkler and some other treats! Between the three of them, they made my day. And on Saturday I am going out for dinner and then drinks with a few friends so it just goes on and on.

School is up in the air. I keep forgetting to call SFU/am working whenever I think about it and they are closed when I get home.

I have a sweet new list of books to read. Even better, I have a sweet new stack in my room to read.

Listening to: For Good - Chris Colfer and Lea Michele

blah, technology

so, ignoring the fact that my background is simply my picture over and over again, I like my blog better now. yay!

my webcam turned on by itself, which makes me a little nervous because it's not a running application according to the task manager so I'm a little worried it's being controlled remotely. I don't know how the heck somebody would get access to my webcam (or why) but it freaks me out a little. I'll probably shut my computer down tonight and see what happens tomorrow, and meanwhile keep it covered with tape or something. Yikes. Technology is scary.

and, the Canucks lost again tonight. darn. it was cool to be downtown and see everybody still in pretty good spirits though. people were a little bummed but overall everybody was good about it. they cheered at the beginning of every period, for all of Schneider's saves, for the near goals, and for the fights at the end. So people aren't rioting...yet. Hopefully they will do better on Friday. Go Canucks :)

Listening to: Danza Kuduro - Don Omar ft. Lucenzo

work, and the prospective summer

I think it is time for an end to the numbered posts. I made it through 240 days of apartment 11 (with a few little breaks between) and now it's time to close that bit.

In the meantime, I finally arrived home from Honduras (as of a week ago, as most of you know). Working at Two Ee's for one final summer, since they'll hire me back even though I'm only home for a couple of months. No idea what will happen in September in terms of money - I'll be very short this summer (more than usual, that is) due to losing a month of work and I am not positive about part time jobs for the school year. So we'll see. It is certainly good to be home and to see everybody. It almost makes up for all the things I miss about Honduras, including people, the Spanish language, the landscape, and the awesome rainstorms.

Speaking of Spanish, it's a beautiful language. I love listening to it being spoken (especially cause I can pick out more words than I realized). I plan to take lessons over the next year or so.

But despite missing Honduras so incredibly much, I need to stay positive, particularly because it'll be at least a year before I'm back. So, here are the things I love about home:

Seeing my family. Sunday nights at Dave and Britt's. Cheddar cheese. Apples. Wonderful friends. Access to a vehicle. Relief from 35+ degree weather, or really the constant stickiness that comes with it. My own bed. Being able to make phone calls or send texts without freaking out over the steep charges associated with such conveniences. Church. Ellen. Water that I can drink/brush my teeth with/wash food in. Mmmm.

See? There are plenty of good things about here.

Work tomorrow. Bedtime.

Listening to: Knee Deep - Zac Brown Band

Honduras

Okay so hopefully this works. The iPhone doesn't want to work with certain websites so we'll see how this goes.

Honduras has been insane! It's Thursday and I'm coming home on Monday already, although in some ways that can't come fast enough.

Things I loved about Chapernal:

- I made friends not only with kids this time but also a lot of young men and a few young women, and many older women as well when I cooked with them. Some favourites were Donaldo, who was always around to find mangoes and teach me Spanish words, Norma, who told me she wanted me to marry her brother, Julio, our 53 year old neighbour who was just precious, and Tullio, who always beat me in straight face contests.

- it was dry hot. We had no awesome river or waterfall like the other group but we also didn't suffocate in the humidity.

- visiting the water source as they were building the dam

- visiting Chapernal on one of the last days (technically our house was in Pie de la Cuesta, one of three communities - the others being Chapernal and Boca del Monte. Collectively they are referred to as Chapernal). Chapernal was in the middle and much more central so it was so fun to visit there and see some of the houses.

- we would always hang out after church services and play games, which was always really fun an super chill. It was one of the few times we never felt awkward because of lack of verbal communication

But now that we're out of the community and travelling, I almost really wish I wasn't here. I'm anxious to get home and share about everything that's happened, and hear about everything that's been happening at home. I'm really looking forward to the next couple of years and part of me just wants to get started on them right now. I think I should try to enjoy here while I'm here though, since it's going to happen whether I enjoy myself or not.

I dislike Utila right now, because I don't like heat, humidity makes it a kajillion times worse, and I don't like being constantly drenched in sweat. I'm used to sweating because of hard work (and having a nice big shirt to soak it up and sleeves to wipe my face on) but I am not used to sitting quietly on my hostel deck doing nothing at all, and still dripping sweat onto the table or the floor. And wearing tube tops and bathing suits so there's nowhere for the sweat to go. This is unbelievable. I can't wait for nighttime - it's the only time I can do anything that involves expending energy.

We watched this last night: Christian the Lion

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one day.

Listening to: Messages - Xavier Rudd

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We all know the worst of ourselves. We all try to hide it. We all have faults and we all worry, at one time or another, about what people are going to think of these faults. Some of us worry that we're too silly, too eccentric, too annoying, too creepy, too clingy, too self-involved.

But we also don't seem to know where the line is between bragging and affirming ourselves. Some of us leap to one side and are completely concerned with raising ourselves up. Others of us jump to the other side and insist on thinking the worst of ourselves. Why can't we find a happy medium, where we understand our weaknesses and are pleased about our strengths?

I am eccentric. I'm off the wall crazy sometimes. I can definitely be annoying. I'm stubborn and I don't take criticism very well. I talk too much. And I try too hard sometimes. But I'm also caring. I love being silly and I laugh a lot (and I LOVE to make others laugh). I am generous. I love to make people happy. I feel incredibly deeply, so when you are sad I will mourn with you, but when you are joyful I will rejoice with you. I love to share my joy with people.

What's the best thing about being you?

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I need to finish my paper.

But regardless of how good it is, it will be done by tomorrow morning. Regardless of how well my exams go, they'll be done in 63 hours. I'll be home in 72.

And the playoffs continue.

Listening to: Cigarette - Jeremy Fisher

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I would LOVE to take a course on Satan, or Nietzsche, or go back and do intro theo again (now that I would actually appreciate it). I'd be so interested in reading about how we can understand suffering or how we as Christians should treat alcohol consumption or the presence of demons in the world. Instead, I have to try to focus on this reading (and the subsequent journal) on encountering other religions.

Listening to: Now I Know - Gabe Bondoc

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Okay, it's been 222 days since I moved into my room at the beginning of the year. Let's just take a moment and think about the fact that that is three 2s, in a row. WOW.

Getting drunk on a Tuesday night is a really fun idea. Not necessarily such a good idea. But it was an excellent way to finish the year (even though it's not quite done). Mix roommates, a music friend, and a couple randoms from Concordia and you get an awesome group of dancing, singing, hilarious people.

Also, I have the sweetest professors:

Dr Hales: offers me extension after extension, gives me a hug, and tells me she will be praying for me. Also gives us our exam essay question in advance. Brings English arrowroots to class. The list goes on. Favourite English professor.

Dr Stolte: tells us we'll have to work our asses off on the final, but then proceeds to tell us exactly what the questions are gonna be. Also just makes us laugh all the time, but we still learn which is awesome.

Melanie: worked with us with infinite patience and humour all year despite everything going on with her daughter's diagnosis, and produced the whole choir CD and was just generally amazing.

I'm SO excited to get out of here and go home for the summer, get away from roommates and papers, but I'm gonna miss certain things a lot.

Bittersweet, like everything else.

Listening to: False Creek Change - Said the Whale

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9 days!

I am so pumped to go home! I can't even do homework in my room cause all I want to do is pack, despite how annoying it is to go through everything. It's also super annoying that I can't really reach my desk anymore because of the seven boxes lined up on my floor.

All that's left to do is get through 8 pages of English paper, 8 pages of Honduras journalling, two theo journals, and four exams. And a take-home.

Listening to: Falling Slowly - Glen Hansard

nostalgia

I loved last April.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRnHwHU9i54

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Just broke the two week mark! In two weeks from yesterday, I will be HOME. What a good feeling. The not-so-good part: in that time, I have two papers to write, a gazillion things to do in terms of fundraising for Honduras, and we are supposed to have done all the readings for our retreat...tomorrow. Of which I have done none.

However, I just wrote a letter to hopefully be put in the bulletin at church. I have a huge problem with asking people for money so that was pretty hard to write but whatever. We need prayer as much as funds so it's an awareness thing too.

Time to work on my paper! Hope you are all having a good day =)

Listening to: Lion - Gabe Bondoc

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I can't believe how irresponsible I am with food.

I love Sundays though. I love afternoons at the house. It's time to get away from the school and the apartments and time to hang out with all these people that I love. Time to share in some delicious soup and time to play some solid games (like speed scrabble). I just love the house I think. I love that their door is always open, regardless of whether anyone is even free. I have an open invitation for when there is nobody there and I just need to get away from my roommates. I love how enthusiastic all of them are too, about everything. Having me and my (grumpy) roommates over for dinner? So exciting! Benefit concert with Translators (and others) on their living room floor? It'll be a blast!! I wish my roommates were like that (they can hardly tolerate loud laughing). Honduras time is a-coming. Got some fundraisers to plan, some reading to do, an SA funding proposal to write. Canadian lit paper due Thursday, mission paper due April 5, English lit paper due April 11. That's barely two weeks away, can you believe it? 9 days later I'll be home, and 13 days after that I'll be on the way to Honduras! How in the world does time pass so fast? Battle of the Bands was on Friday night and it was a BLAST. Unlike last year, where half of the 9 or 10 bands were just kidding around and not very good, all of the 8 bands from Friday were somewhere between good and excellent. Thank you Jaki and the White Kids for proving that you can go on stage in tights and still rock your set. Handsome Men's Club for third and Hot Air Balloon Racers for second (or the other way around?) and Jazz Hands for first! Man I love the band names. Interesting fact: Jaki and the White Kids was formerly the Testostertones, before Jaki. Glad to see they've got some multiculturalism going on. Life is good. Stressful and busy and surprising, but so good. Listening to: Living in Colour - Frightened Rabbit Cosmic Love - Florence and the Machine

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You are amazing.

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Twice Shy: Should You Shave Your Legs?

Priceless. Ignore whatever crap is posted around it.

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a good day

today was student leader training. I was not looking forward to having to get up at 8 but it was actually pretty easy to wake up, and it was a good morning/afternoon of talking, learning, getting to know each other, and some planning. I'm a lot more excited than I thought I'd be, too. I didn't know a lot of the other student leaders before today but it looks like it'll be a good group, and the MCs are going to be really awesome too. There's eight of us: Kaden, Chantelle, Latasha, Melanie, Will, Jason, Tessa, and me. Stacey and Ethan are worship assistants so they're technically part of the team too, and I'm really excited for that because I like (or at least can handle working with) everybody on the team. So that is really encouraging.

We also went roller skating tonight. I've got some excellent (painful) battle scars from my four brutal falls and my one more gentle one. I've got a huge bump right under my right knee, road rash on my left (which is really a bruise, massive bump, and road rash all in one), and I'm pretty sure I can't sleep on my left side tonight cause of landing on my hip so much. I felt better watching Kaden biff it trying to do dance moves in his crazy eighties outfit, and seeing Heather try (and dramatically fail) to crouch down and skate between Kristin's legs. It was pretty great all around and would probably be such a great King's event. I'm envisioning the entire rink taken up by King's people, "dancing" to Don't Stop Believing and playing games like Red Light, Green Light.

By the way, roller skating is MUCH harder than roller blading. Keep that in mind before you judge.

Listening to: Rhythm of Love - Plain White T's

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Please don't tell me you think it's okay to minimize the deaths of over a thousand people by saying, "Everything happens for a reason" and "It sucks, but it's our own fault. Earth's trying to tell us something". A forest fire is good for cleaning out the forest and making room for new growth. People are not trees. Keeping the world from getting more overpopulated than it already is does NOT make an earthquake good. And it is insensitive to act as though this is merely a lesson learned ("we need to get our shit together") instead of the disaster that it is. We should be able to take some time to mourn.

I read somewhere that we are incapable of recognizing people as individuals in groups numbering more than 20. So maybe you just don't understand the magnitude of 1000+ people dead and thousands more missing.

PS. "We" aren't dying. People across the world are. So don't tell me "we're" dying because of our own actions.

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Apparently Julia's coming to Edmonton next week. Vince commented on her status saying, "Worst." Hey frick, Vince, Edmonton is BEST. You only wish you lived here. You know what's friggin awesome? Walking to class and having the sun be super warm on my back while my breath fogs the air in front of me. Where else does that happen?

Minus the fact that I woke up this morning with the sunshine pouring in my window and looked over to see the sun rising over the industrial park. And that's when I realized that when the snow finally does melt, it'll be pretty darn ugly anyway. Most depressing moment ever. And my poor friend who got in a minor car accident on the weekend...and then almost got hit again less than 48 hours later. Sometimes I seriously hate this city.

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perfect studying music: Close to Me - Giovanni Allevi

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Life is crazy, but so amazing.

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This week's 937 challenge is to fast. Watched this there last night (and I finally figured out how to post a video instead of a link):

Some other really awesome news: I'm going to Honduras! They got approved to send two teams so I have no idea who I'll be with or where I'll be going, or really anything at all, but I am so incredibly excited for it!

Listening to: When I'm Up - Great Big Sea

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Back in Ed. Missed the choir concert (the only reason I flew in this morning instead of tonight) but it was an excellent day anyway. Watched mens' volleyball take the bronze in an exciting comeback, saw my aunt, uncle, and cousin, taught Andrew to play crib, watched a bit of the Lovely Bones, and spent all evening hanging out with Allison, playing two person euchre, and talking about everything. It's REALLY hard to focus on what you're saying, and to put together coherent sentences, when you are exhausted. Roommates who understand you anyway are the best.

It makes me sad that I haven't seen a relaxed smile from this friend in months. It makes me sadder that she hasn't smiled at me in weeks. And yet her smiling face is all over my wall.

Listening to: The Great Collapse - The Zolas (thanks Abby ;)

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Last weekend, I spent 36 hours on the bus in four days. My week began exhaustingly.

But it's been amazing. Except for feeling completely awful this morning, and acquiring a cold along the way, I've had a blast hanging out with my siblings, babysitting my nephew, and seeing a few friends. I got no homework done.

I'm really excited for the next few years at King's, and I'm happy to really know what I'm heading towards for the first time in my life...but it's so hard to leave here, every time. I love BC, and I mostly love the Lower Mainland. And it's wonderful to be at school and hang out with my friends and see new people every day and do all the great things you do in university, but I still miss being home and seeing my family every day. Here's to two more months before Easter/summer (only 8 weeks???)

Listening to: Kaleidoscope Heart - Sara Bareilles

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Things learned in conversation with Paul and Wendell:

1) more books are more awesome than I realized

2) the brains of people who are blind from birth actually re-designate the function of the sections that deal with optical input (because they never receive any input). cause I wondered why somebody blind from birth would say they see nothing while somebody who becomes blind sees darkness.

3) brains are incredible

4) computers are also incredible

5) computers also have the potential to take over the world one day. It's not just a crazy sci-fi theory, something that could happen but in like a million years - the theory is that once computers reach the intelligence level of humans, they can function (and replicate) without human control/assistance. This of course stemmed from a discussion of the level of consciousness of a computer, which came about because of Watson the jeopardy computer - is it conscious??? What defines consciousness?

5) apparently there's a thought that eventually people will be able to hook up their brains to computers and essentially have access to everything in that computer's database and function as a computer. Paul, the psyc major/taking the Brain and Behaviour class confirmed that this is a real theory so it's not just the computer nuts living in their apartment who think so.

I love my friends.

I'm scared of computers.

Listening to: Hey Ocean!

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I emailed Starbucks yesterday about their fair trade policies (and the fact that most of their Shared Planet information hasn't been updated for five years...some is a decade old). Crazy.

Loralee told me today that she found fair trade rice at this place on Whyte Avenue. Apparently she goes there all the time because they have a lot of fair trade and organic stuff, as well as a lot of local stuff. Loralee loves them because they really practice what they preach - apparently they used to be further down the street, up on top of a bar or something, super small, and they moved to a new place last year and to get everything there they used bicycles. Isn't that crazy? They had the help of some of their regulars and other people who support them and put everything in wagons that they pulled behind their bikes. I want to support businesses like that.

Listening to: Roll Away Your Stone - Mumford and Sons

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Today in church, Naomi Mahaffy gave a presentation on her experience in Cambodia (it was really good). Last week in Bible study, Loralee told us that the rice industry is big for child labor. She said how everybody is concerned with fair trade coffee and fair trade tea...but who thinks about fair trade rice? Now I'm reading in my theo of mission book (The Open Secret - Lesslie Newbigen) about the rich exploiting the poor. I can't believe how riled up I am about this. I want to go work abroad SO incredibly badly. I'm going to look into internships in Honduras for next year or the year after. I am fully aware that I can do very little for these people by myself, and the money that I spend travelling there could be more economically used by the people, but I want to learn more about them and learn about their situation and get to know them. Now if only I could speak Spanish.

Something that is a huge conflict of interest for me: last night Allison's friend had a birthday so we went to the bar and hung out with her work friends all night. I had the most fun I've had in a bar in a while, but what bothers me is the excessive waste and regret in a bar. The amount of drinking, for a start. I'm guilty here - I don't need to drink, but I still do. But Allison said yesterday, "I wonder what the average amount of alcohol consumed on Whyte Ave on the typical Saturday night?" And it's got to be SO high. Take me, Heather, Becky, and Allison. Four girls who drink a below average amount. Multiply that by the tons and tons of people on Whyte on Saturday, plus a bunch of extra for that majority that drinks a lot more than us. Then the regret comes in: people do DUMB things when drunk. We also walked past a significant number of cops, some of whom were just chilling out and maintaining a presence, others of whom were dealing with dangerous/troublesome drunks. What could possibly justify the amount of chaos inspired on Saturday nights that they need to having extra cops patrolling the street? I could go on and on about this, but I need to go to bed.

Last but not least, today was probably the most excellent afternoon I have had for quite a while. All the VanAndel children were in town this weekend for a wedding so I met 2 cousins I never knew (from Ontario), got to hang out with/reacquaint myself with another from Cloverdale, and spend a last afternoon with another who just moved to Cloverdale. And see Julie and the kids. Have some lunch, a glass of wine to celebrate the gathering of "all the VanAndel (and a Heinen)," and talk about shutter speed, ISO, and aperture. It's pretty funny (and weird) when your roommate introduces her dad to you, saying, "Dad, this is your cousin Allison."

Listening to: This City's A Mess - Said the Whale

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And life gets kind of back to normal...

An incredibly awful week gets significantly less awful when you make a conscious decision to not be miserable about it.

It also helps to start fixing a splintering relationship.

Listening to: Beautiful Things - Gungor

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“So I'll stand with ARMS HIGH and HEART ABANDONED in AWE of the one who gave it all! I'll stand, my soul, Lord, to You surrendered, ALL I AM IS YOURS!"

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I just realized that this busyness isn't going to go away.

Today I took my calendar and wrote down everything that I have to do between now and next Wednesday...JUST for music. It's PACKED. Add in my English essay, English midterm, and theology assignments (two of them), plus eating and sleeping and attending class, and my Canadian lit reading is not going to get done.

A note to all you soon-to-be-graduates: taking six courses is stressful. Don't do it in a semester that is already stressful due to planning for next year, applying for water projects and leadership positions, and figuring out living arrangements.

Listening to: Too Soon - Hey Ocean!

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Advantage to having no screen on my main window: if I forget my keys and happen to leave my window wide open and my desk is clean, I can crawl in through my window.

Disadvantage to having no screen on my window: my window is frozen shut. And if I can force it open, it will get stuck open and I have to awkwardly (over my desk) throw all my weight against it to make it close.

I love Edmonton winter.

PS: According to Dr Stolte, February is a "crummy month" because it is nothing (January is winter and March is "spring" but February is nothing) and that is the reason it is only 28 days instead of 30-31. I think my professors are crazy.

Listening to: A-Punk - Vampire Weekend

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Last night I went to Erik's house for his "chill-to-escape-the-chill/one-month-after-my-birthday" party/all night movie marathon. The movies didn't last, but the chill did. I felt like a bit of an odd duck just because every single other person there goes to Concordia (so even if they didn't know each other before last night, they still had the whole school thing in common) but it was fine. I am glad I went, that's for sure. Met some pretty awesome guys and girls and hung out for a while. I got pretty exhausted around 11:30 but I was content to just sit and listen to everybody talking about their school events and laughing their heads off at school-related jokes I didn't understand. We watched one full movie (Ratatouille), one 15 minute little video (Logorama*), and a bit of the Breakfast Club (I fell asleep about ten minutes in. It was 4am). I even got a ride back this morning - taking transit would have taken me at least an hour and a half but this girl Danielle was going to Sherwood Park anyway so she dropped me off.

It was pretty sweet to be able to go to something like this and still come out of it really happy that I went and wishing it wasn't over. I'm glad I got to come home and brush my teeth but it was kind of sad too, cause I really enjoyed it and I don't know if I'll see any of these people again (except Erik...). Ah, well. I'm really happy he invited me though, I had a good time. And it proved to me that it's not always best to take the guaranteed fun (going to Lacombe) over the potential of a good night with people you don't know, Moulin Rouge!, and a restful weekend.

*Logorama is a short film made entirely using logos and mascots of various companies and corporations. There's some foul language and other nastiness, so if you choose to watch, be warned. That being said, it's very well done and I was quite entertained. You could watch it over and over and still catch new things. Obviously it's a commentary on capitalism and consumerism and all that other stuff, but it's good for the entertainment value too.

Listening to: Who Wants To Live Forever - Queen

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I just had my interview for student leadership. I got 4 hours of sleep (working on theo and English late last night, thank you busy weekend) and was a little spacey - I think I spent a lot of time looking at the table in front of me or the bookshelf, trying to gather my thoughts and speak clearly, not spasticly like I usually do. In talking to Tim before the interview, trying to sort out the distinctions between the positions (some of them have been amalgamated by others, which was not clear in the job descriptions), I wasn't thinking clearly and said something REALLY dumb. In the interview itself though, I think I handled myself pretty well. I answered as honestly and thoroughly as possible, and I think they were happy with me. It doesn't mean I'll get a job, because 1) they're pretty popular jobs, 2) there's other ways for me to be involved in the ways I described than just being employed by the school, and 3) I fear that dumb thing I said before the interview might come back to bite me in the butt. We'll see. But I feel pretty good about the interview at least.

And to complete my happiness, Canadian lit is cancelled today. Today was supposed to be the day that we wrote our in-class essays, a task that stressed the crap out of me because I've been so busy I haven't finished the reading yet, much less prepared a paper for it. The essay is optional but can definitely be valuable, so I am extremely appreciative of having an extra two days to prepare.

Time to go practice for aural skills now. Being saved from this essay has not banished the rest of my homework. Keyboard testing tomorrow, harmony assignment for Monday, choir practice, English paper, English reading, theology reading and assignments, theology paper, Canadian lit midterm...ah, school.

Listening to: Dust Bowl Dance - Mumford and Sons

150

I was going to leave my blinds closed because I thought I could focus better in the dimness. Then I lifted the blinds to open my small window and realized how gorgeous it was outside. Who wants to sit in the dark when the sunshine is beating on the windows to get in?

Listening to: 1876 - The Brooklyn Theatre Fire (Wakey!Wakey!)

Something 'Bout a Woman Like You (Lady Antebellum)

141

So last night we had grand plans. We came up with this awesome girls' night idea - take cards to the bar and play games of euchre to five. The winning pair then gets to dare the losing pair - request a song and dance enthusiastically by yourselves when it comes on, order tea at the bar and throw a fit when they don't have it, dumb things like that. Sounds like a fun night, right? Not.

As usual, girls' night deteriorated within about five minutes. How unsurprising. Granted, we did have some fun but I would have enjoyed the night so much more if we could have just hung out. I'm not sure I want to go out with these girls anymore, if nobody can stick together. I was so looking forward to our girls' night. I was also looking forward to not having to be the responsible one (cause we weren't supposed to need one). I don't go for the drinking or the guys. But they had a blast and they're definitely not going to understand why I'm so frustrated.

Listening to: Good Arms vs Bad Arms - Frightened Rabbit

132

I'm beat.

This week went by so incredibly quickly but it's not until now that I realize how exhausting it was. I'm pretty sure my 8am theo class really doesn't help - I'm not used to getting up that early anymore. Classes seem to fly by, too (except the aforementioned 8am class), which really contributes to the whole week-flies-by thing.

This Honduras application is really getting to me, though. It asks all the normal questions like name, address, history of overseas travel, qualifications, things that might affect your work or health when you're there...and then it asks the expected but still really difficult questions. "Do you have any special skill areas? Please state your level of proficiency in them:", "Why are you volunteering for this project?", and of course, "What is your commitment to Jesus Christ?". I think around 20 people expressed interested in this trip and they cap it at 12 (with possibility of exceeding that number if there's a good reason, hence the application). I don't want to say the wrong thing...but I really don't know what to say. I really want to go though. I've had this same situation so much this year that I hardly dare to hope...and yet I want it so much. So I really hope this works out. Especially since this happens to be a bit of a life goal for me, working there.

It doesn't help that I don't feel close to anyone here anymore. Or that I have no idea what the living situation is going to look like next year (not to mention school).

One plus in all this uncertainty is that I am thoroughly enjoying my exhausting classes. Theo classes are slow but I am really enjoying it in that space between about 8:10 and 9. English lit is nothing particularly special but I expected the prof to be really boring - which she is definitely not. I really like my Canadian lit prof and it looks like the material is going to be so much better than last semester. My aural skills prof is pretty good too - despite the daily testing in the class - and my harmony prof is totally crazy but also totally awesome. And of course choir is something to look forward to. Something I really learned this semester is how great all the music professors are. Melanie has this hilarious dry humour that just keeps choir so light and enjoyable, Dr Segger is always cheerful and gets everybody engaged in the class, and Dr Stolte just makes us laugh and makes the material interesting. It makes me love my music classes.

It's now almost 12, a full four hours past the time I really wanted to go to bed. So bedtime it is for me.

Snow update: still coming. supposed to snow a bunch more this week but not much. I have no idea how deep it is cause it's always blowing around. I'll put a guess at 2-3 feet.

Listening to: Sigh No More - Mumford and Sons

130

You're kind of being an ass.

I just don't know if you're worth my time, or my anxiety.

127

Yesterday I went to West Ed with Al, Heather, and Becky. It was an adventure just getting there and back in the snow but the best part about the day was getting the Wakey!Wakey! CD I've been wanting for a while. It's one of the better CD purchases I've made - fairly expensive but completely worth it. I LOVE it. I also got a shower gel at Bath and Body Works that was on sale. Also completely worth it because for the first time since arriving in Edmonton last year, I've stepped out of the shower with nice skin instead of being all dried out from the water.

In other news, church was cancelled this morning. It's nuts, how much snow there is. For example, I watched three people earlier shoveling their car out of the snow at the edge of the road. It took them probably twenty minutes. On our drive back from the mall yesterday, Al decided to turn down a side road to turn around rather than go around the block - big mistake. We got stuck three or four times and had to jump out to push and scoop snow away from the tires. At least three cars besides ours got stuck in the same area and another ten were waiting for us all to get unstuck so they could pass through. The snow was coming down quite literally all Friday night and all of Saturday. I like it when I'm feeling like a walk in the peaceful dead of night but when I really need to get myself to Walmart and Safeway I just can't get motivated to do that walk back with all the stuff I need to buy.

And now I'm about to go upstairs and play a game with the guys. Sometimes it's really nice being back here.

Listening to: Got It All Wrong - Wakey!Wakey! (he drops an f-bomb or two. just so you're warned)

125

Yesterday, when I missed my first class of the semester (the first one I was in the city for, anyway), I thought school was already kicking my ass. When I went to choir and found out that five of our important rehearsals conflict with my Spanish class, I realized school actually was kicking my ass. Then I went to Spanish and realized there's no way I can handle five courses, plus choir, and a language. So I am dropping Spanish and look, suddenly school can get its ass kicked. I've now been to at least one of every class (except theo, which I expect will be the most difficult). Aural skills will take some getting used to but it should be pretty good, harmony...we'll see, both Englishes look like they'll be good and choir is gonna be awesome. And I'm finally going to get my loan, plus dropping Spanish will get me some money back, so it's looking good academically and financially, for now.

Plus, my friends are the best dancers. I laughed my face off tonight. And it's been snowing for most of the day - I'd say we got another three or four inches at least. And at least another five expected for the rest of the weekend. Sweet.

Anyway, bedtime.

Listening to: Light Outside - Wakey!Wakey!

124

I already slept through my morning class.

120

I think the worst thing about being home for such a short time is people cancelling plans. It's not as easy as just rescheduling for next week or the week after, because by the time that rolls around I'm back in Edmonton. I've now had four people cancel on me, and it sucks that I can't spend time with them while I'm home.

I also don't like being the planner for everything. I want to hang out with my friends, but that doesn't mean that I want to be the one struggling to get everyone organized every time. And I know they want to see me while I'm home too, so it shouldn't be such a one-sided effort. It's kind of maddening when I know I'm leaving in four days.

Anyway, time to go find something better to do with my Saturday afternoon.

Listening to: Almost Everything (Wakey!Wakey!)