107

What an awesome weekend. I love being able to go visit my sister on the island. It's such a blast.

Miranda and Kelsey and I went over on the ferry on Friday and it was a pretty lazy night. We were all super tired and went to bed really early. Saturday was really good though - slept in, had french toast for breakfast, played some yahtzee, straightened some hair, and headed over to Craig's for dinner (homemade pizza) and the hockey game. We also went driving around Victoria checking out all the houses with crazy Christmas lights, so that was a good time. Went to church this morning and then came back for lunch. We picked up a gingerbread house kit (we were going to make gingerbread but we didn't have time). That was definitely so much fun to make. We bought extra candy and stuff and I'm pretty sure we outdid the picture on the box. We even dragged it home on the ferry. Plus the cat was just hilarious. I ran over him with the door today - he was sitting in front of it when I came in.

I love being home.

Dentist appointment at 8:30 tomorrow morning though, so it's bedtime. Night, folks.

103...b?

IT IS STILL SNOWING.

103

Leaving tomorrow! It's crazy. And of course, the day before I leave is the day we get a huge snowfall. Between yesterday and today I think we got a good six inches. They cleared the path from the apartments to the school and two hours later we had at least another inch on it. Last night was sweet because the snowflakes were big - Fraser Valley size, even =P Anyway it's pretty hard to tell which snow is falling and which snow is just being blown around in the wind so it could easily be that it just LOOKS crazy out there and is, in reality, not snowing much at all. It's really pretty though. And cold. It's also really easy to catch a snowflake on your tongue, which is pretty sweet.

You can't tell cause it's too dim, but it's looked foggy all day cause there's so much snow in the air.

Been a decent day - got an exam out of the way, straightened my hair, played some two-person euchre (and won!) and had some DQ ice cream cake....so altogether not bad. And Kevin should be coming over for a bit before he goes to study with some friends. Yay! Off to eat some dinner now though.

Exam update:

English 304: done! Sure pass

English 370: done! Potentially a pass. First essay (40%) was good, second (60%) was terrible.

Theo 364: tomorrow, 9am. should be easy

Bio 200: tomorrow, 1pm. Might be hard.

Listening to: Remember - Stephen Chatman

Snow update: total snow is about a foot deep, about 6-8 inches of which is from today.

100!!

so today is day 100 since arriving in Edmonton. Yay! Oddly enough, it's my last day before my exams finally start...

I have an English exam tomorrow. It's out of 100. I know that I can get at least 40 marks for sure and I'll definitely get the last ten points for a pass (probably more) from the sections I don't know as well. There's no way I'll get 0/30 on the close reading, for example. It's difficult material, in a course covering a span of a thousand years. There's only so much you can know. Soooo while I'm not fully prepared for this exam and am definitely not counting on an amazing grade, I know that I will pass the course and I'm even feeling pretty good about passing the exam with a 60 or a 70. A terrible attitude, I know - just going for the pass. Especially with a major course. But at this point, I just want to be on that plane home.

Exam update:

Monday --> English Lit 700-1797

Wednesday --> Canadian Lit

Thursday --> theology, biology

Listening to: 1234 - Plain White T's

ps, it is DEFINITELY time to go home. I'm out of food.

95

I just had the shittiest week I've had since I got here.

I just had the best weekend I've had since I got here.

I just attended the last class of my semester.

I have my first major choir concert tomorrow.

I have 5 full days before my first exam.

I have a busy but exciting break coming up, with a mix of family, home friends, and King's friends.

9 days!

Listening to: Soul Survivor - Angels and Airwaves

87

In two days, my semester is effectively over. My last two assignments of the entire semester are due on Wednesday (with the exception of a biology presentation on Thursday). I have the feeling that tomorrow night is going to be just the same as last night was, and Thursday. But after that, no more. Just finals.

Dance fitness tonight. Lauren is so much fun and even though I absolutely suck at dancing I try really hard and I have fun. Despite Lauren's assurances that everybody was a beginner, and everybody would suck as much as me, I am definitely the worst dancer there. I'm unbelievably uncoordinated and definitely can't move my hips the way we're supposed to. I thought I was at least getting there until Al and Kathleen burst out laughing at me and now I'm so incredibly self conscious. I'm pretty sure my body is physically incapable of it. Ah, well.

We also invented a game this afternoon: euchre-crib (we haven't come up with a good name yet. but it'll catch so we need one). Basically, it's crib with certain aspects of euchre (like bauers are super awesome if you have them, and the flipped card is automatically trump, and you have to follow suit in the play) and while the length of game and average hands isn't ultimately changed, it adds a whole new aspect to the game. For example, you actually have to think about what you're counting because if you are Paul, you might forget that having the left bauer is six points. You also have to think of a whole new strategy because when you have to follow suit, you can't play cards the way you normally would. Anyway, it's definitely gonna catch. It's gonna be bigger than backwards crib.

In other news, it's been 87 days since I arrived at King's in September. It's weird to think of it like that - after all, I'm only here for another 17. GOOD GOLLY.

Off to write my last paper of the semester. Wish me luck!

Listening to: Kangaroo Cry - Blue October

86

"The vagabond within us usually hovers somewhere between the two. One moment he goes off as a liberated soul into the heights; the next as a liberated body into the depths. Indeed, he does not just do one or the other. He does both as once. In what is perhaps the supreme and most refined form of desire, he darts from one to the other, toying with both at once...To yield on the one side or the other, to let go the reins, and then to take them up again and let them go again, merely for the sake of change and because of a new attraction, is not for nothing the most "popular" form of sin; the one in which it is known to all of us directly."

-Karl Barth, Church Dogmatics

76

So I'm taking a quick break from English homework.

Somehow, I have not yet learned my lesson and will once again be up until 3am working on homework. Except I'm pretty sure this won't take that long, and it also wasn't entirely avoidable, but still.

This assignment has had me bouncing off the walls. I had no idea what I was going to write about until this morning, when i suddenly got a brilliant idea. Now, there's two parts to this because I have a presentation in class tomorrow on The Apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz, and I also have an essay due at the beginning of December and my essay topic is on the same novel. My original plan for the presentation (look at the character of Yvette and her role) wasn't working out, so I found a new and fascinating topic (the novel as a satire, NOT a comedy). When I expanded on this topic, I realized I would much rather write my paper on it than do a five minute presentation. So I abandoned my original essay topic (compare novel and film versions) and emailed my professor asking if this new one would be acceptable. So I had to revert to my original presentation topic. Then I got an email back from my prof giving a more specific way he wants me to write about satire, which doesn't really work for me so now I'm back at square one, where I'm using my not-as-good presentation topic (Yvette) because it's finished and besides, that's what he is expecting me to present on, and my probably-easy-but-not-as-interesting essay topic. Gah. What a waste of time.

And that is the story of why I am up at 1:30 finishing English homework.

Listening to: Giochi d Acqua - Giovanni Allevi

65

Had a chat with Charles, the music professor, yesterday. I'm considering switching majors. It would be extremely stressful, at least for next semester, and I'm wondering if it's worth it. As it stands, I have three options: come back with an English major and music minor (what I'm currently in), come back with a music major and an English minor, or don't come back at all. If I want to keep all these options open, I have to take certain classes next semester. I'll be keeping my Englishes, as well as tonal harmony and aural skills. I will also need to add music history, choir, and probably an applied music. And I would have to drop the philosophy and theology classes that I'm currently registered for. So my credits are getting close to my credit limit:

Canadian Lit: 3

other English: 3

Harmony: 3

Aural skills: 1.5

music history: 3

choir: 2

applied music: 1.5

= 17 total, with a credit limit of 17.9. Which means an insane amount of homework and practicing and a ton of commitment to the program or I will never get through it.

I also want to go on the Honduras water project this year. I have to talk to Justine to get a better idea of what is involved in going, but if I can swing it I absolutely want to go.

In a way, I feel as though having talked to Charles and figured out a bit of that music stuff, I've gotten some direction and I feel a lot more confident about next semester...but I also feel worried that I can't handle it. I also have to audition for my applied music so they can determine if I am proficient enough to take lessons for credit...which I have to do whether I plan on majoring or minoring in music. That's a whole ton of stress for someone who doesn't like playing for people who know nothing of music, much less accomplished musicians. It's like singing for Melanie - of all my professors she is the one instructor I respect and whose opinion I value most. She's also an amazing singer so auditioning for a solo was beyond stressful - compared to her, I probably sound like nails rattling around in a tin can. Auditioning for my applied music is going to feel like that.

Anyway, the best I can do for now is prepare and focus on school and life right now. Hopefully this all goes well.

Listening to: Mr Pitiful by Matt Costa

60

I'm pretty much nocturnal these days. I'm going to bed in ten minutes and I think that's the first time in at least a week and a half that I'm going to sleep before 2.

But since I'm up anyway, I'll blog for a minute about life.

I've got three main problems going on here these days, one of them being a huge struggle with faith and knowing God (which I think is a paradox) and it's really taking over pretty much everything. But today is monumental in that I'm pretty sure I won't be up until all hours of the night wrestling with it. This may have something to do with the fact that 1) I actually did some of my theology reading tonight and 2) I had an interesting conversation with a friend (via text...go figure). I'm currently in the middle of Luther going into great detail about one issue and it's funny because Erik was telling me pretty well the same thing (in a more concise way...). It's just good to know that at least some people are on the same page as me.

In other news, we moved Al's bed to the living room when she was in Lacombe yesterday, and moved the couch and fish and end table into her room. Definitely the cosiest look for our living room. Heather and I are apparently super good at coming up with pranks.

I also received a letter the other day, which pretty much made my day. I forgot how exciting that is =P I will try to send more letters out to people in the next little while - I have definitely gotten out of the habit of writing.

Speaking of, I find writing is a really good way to pray. It helps keep me focused and the really good thing about writing is that even if you don't know how to say what you're trying to say, if you keep on writing you will eventually say it. I'm gonna need to get a new journal though.

And last, I'm meeting with Dr Stolte, the "professor of music" (which I am pretty sure just means he's the head of the department), on Wednesday morning to figure out some courses for next semester. I'm definitely considering changing to a music major if I come back next year.

So I guess that's life. As always, missing home. And yet I know that when I leave, I'll be texting friends all the time.

PS I think I'm going to start recommending songs...not every post, but whenever I feel like I've got a good song...which happens pretty often. Here's the first one:

Song recommendation of the day: Hands Down by Dashboard Confessional*

*I have a different version on my itunes which is probably my favourite but this one is pretty good too

46

Dear strepthroat/tonsillitis common virus,

I am angry with you. This morning, you made it impossible for me to eat anything other than yogurt. You woke me up at 12:30 (half an hour after I'd gone to bed) and 8:00 (an hour and a half before I'd planned on getting up). This on a night when I particularly needed sleep. Thanks to you, my throat looks all swollen and red and lumpy.

I don't want to walk 20 minutes to Capilano and wait there for an hour and a half just to get a prescription, but you are forcing me to. And, you are killing my voice. So I would appreciate it a lot if you could just go on your merry way and attack other people's throats instead. Thanks.

Yours,

Allison

44

It breaks my heart.

43

okay so I think I might be losing track of the days but I'm pretty sure today is my 43rd day in Edmonton.

Last night was such a blast. And now we have connections.

Plus, we went to west ed today and I bought a new sweater (spent a fair amount of money on it but it's good quality, won't shrink, and I LOVE it), some tea, and a couple of shirts. It's nice to know that I only got a couple of good quality things instead of always looking for deals and spending more anyway.

On the downside, my phone is out of commission for a while. The battery is expanding so I need to get it replaced, and I couldn't find a new one in West Ed so I think I might have to order one online or something...maybe bus to somewhere nearer to King's. Anyway, it's a just a big pain in the ass. The telus guy told me to stop using it unless I need to because it's not good for the phone...

40

spiritual dryness.

this lack of desire.

It's not that I don't believe in God. It's not that I doubt his existence or think he's not there. I just suddenly can't find him.

And the thing is, it upsets me so much.

I've got a friend who is questioning her relationship with her boyfriend. If it's going anywhere, should she end it, and how much it's going to hurt him. It's on her mind all the time. That's how I feel with God these days - it is always on my mind. Particularly because I go to a Christian school and I am surrounded by Christians all the time. The school has a million ministries and organizations like King's Hands, the prison ministry, MASS, and so on. they have chapel every Wednesday at 12 and 937 every Wednesday night. I am in a theology class this semester that I attend every other day. Even if I wanted to forget about it and pretend I was happy and spiritually fulfilled, it would be impossible.

The only encouraging thing to me is that I am so upset about it. When I've gone through this in the past, I've had a tendency to pretend it's not happening and be happy and cheerful and friendly and all those things. I never cared very much. And I'm pretty sure that when you don't want to be with somebody, and you don't care when you don't see them, and you are happy enough without ever speaking to them, your relationship isn't very healthy.

This is different.

It sucks.

33/34

So I poured hot bacon fat on my fingers today.

But I am heading home tomorrow morning so it really doesn't matter! Leaving in five and a half hours!

27

yesterday was a long day.

It started when I went to class at 11...I was exhausted and slept in. I went to all my classes and paid no attention in any of them except theology. After class we went on a 3 hour walk to the river valley and it was so fun! We took a bunch of stupid pictures and some really fun ones and basically killed ourselves laughing. We cooked when we got back, went to 937, watched a movie, played some blitz, and headed off to prayer at 1am. we got back from that at around 2:30 and watched Tarzan until 4, when worship started in the prayer room. Didn't get back from that until 5:15 and didn't get to bed until 5:30. Got up at 9 for our 9:30 lab.

It was an amazing day (and night/morning) but it made today brutal. I nearly passed out in our bio lab* and didn't pay much attention in bio class. I yawned my way through choir while making up my line since I didn't seem to be able to figure out what I was supposed to be singing half the time. Worked on IS all evening (sadly, in front of Friends) and now it's finally bedtime. The best part is, I can't wait to do it all again.

*there has to be a better way to explain how to take your blood pressure than "release the pressure until you hear a ticking sound. This is the blood beginning to spurt out through the narrow opening in the artery." I'm just saying.

26/27?

"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." ~Zephaniah 3:17

I need to remember this.

22

Next week is 24/7 prayer.

They planned out this whole thing where the prayer room is going to be open all day, every day, for all of next week. I'm not sure exactly how it works but I'm pretty sure there's going to be someone there to pray with you and for you all day/night...I signed up for the 1am slot on Thursday morning with Heather and Allison. They are having worship at 4 that morning too, so we are thinking we'll stay up for that too and just be screwed over for our 9:30am lab...along with our 12:30-2 class and our night classes.

This is the best idea ever.

20

Last year, my floor planned a 937 with a focus on prayer. I don't remember the details but I remember we gave everybody a piece of paper and a pen and everybody was able to write down a prayer request and bring it to the front, and we all went and drew one out and got into groups to pray for whatever prayer request was written on the paper. We had tealights too, so you could bring up your prayer request and light a candle.

Last night, 937 was the same as that day. Minus the candles. And it was so good. Hard, but definitely good.

19

so I've been here for 19 days and I am already heading home in two weeks. To you who wanted to borrow books, I'll bring some back at Thanksgiving.

This, by the way, is exactly my life: Hyperbole and a Half

16

best things about being back

-Heather and I can knock on our shared wall cause our beds are like, right beside each other. we were planning on secretly punching a hole in the wall so we could talk too but I'm not so sure we'd get away with that one...

-friends that I can drink with. not excessively, but once in a while

-being able to shut my door this year but also being able to find people whenever

-boredom buster!!

-Friends - currently on season 2, disc 4!

-euchre, crib, blitz

-starting class at 11, 12:30, 11, 9:30, and then 11 again. most slack schedule ever

-choir!!

-937 and Hiatus

-straightening hair

-cooking is an adventure

-McDick's runs

-putting up pictures!! and taking them =D

15

not that I would know, never having really been drunk, but I'm pretty sure it's the dumbest thing. last night sort of proved that, as my friends were rather farther gone than I was and I could tell how lame they* were.

it was a good night anyway.

*we

12

Hey everybody,

I'm pretty sure everybody who follows this blog is a Fraser Valleyite or former FVCH student, so you probably all know about Michael Kraan. Please remember to keep him and his family in your prayers.

If you don't know what happened, he was in a car accident yesterday. He was t-boned by a semi and airlifted to hospital and is currently in a coma. I definitely don't know details but it is a scary situation and they are all in need of prayer and support.

9

Weekend in the Rockies. Enough said.

as a side note, you can tell what a terrible friend you are when you are about to tell somebody that your car is full and you actually don't have space for anybody else, when in reality a whole seat is being taken up by a TV that you don't really need. It's a pretty bad moment when you are considering bringing the TV back to school in lieu of your friend.

4

"It is not what other people say or do to us that defines our life ... it is our response."

Andrew is full of these quotes lately. And this one definitely registers with me because of how this weekend went. Regardless of how my roommates' quirks are going to niggle at me and frustrate me, it's the way I respond that is going to define who I am. My roommates might be frustrating sometimes - that's what roommates do, like siblings - but my response shouldn't be to complain or to lose my temper. I think it's too late in this instance, but I'm going to need a shift in my attitude for the next eight months.

1

I forgot about the shitty internet.

ee

now that I'm done work, I kind of wish I wasn't.

9

mmmm, the end is near.

Tomorrow I work 10-6:30 and Friday I work 8-4:30 and that is it for work.

Saturday morning it's time to go get some new glasses (and get my current ones adjusted so I can wear them in the meantime) and then a wedding in the afternoon.

Sunday is church in the morning, Oma's in the afternoon, and Dave and Brittany's in the evening.

Monday, trip to Vancouver for one last visit to the brother/sister/nephew.

Tuesday, the long-awaited visit with Nick!

Wednesday, a day out with Abby (or in =P).

Thursday, packing, packing, packing. And cleaning.

Friday, driving.

Saturday/Sunday, get settled and catch up with the peeps.

Monday, back to school.

9 more days!

11

talk about shitty days. complete physical, informational, and emotional overload. plus an hour and a half of completely unnecessary driving on top of the 3.5 hours of driving to Vancouver and Squamish and back.

but, the Lord my God is with me and he is mighty to save. I just have to remember that when I'm 11 days from heading off to Edmonton, dealing with a ton of drama, and trying to fit all my packing and visiting and working into the next week and a half.

Here we go.

what a rush!

18

ten more days of work

one photoshoot

one anniversary

one birthday party

one wedding

one hike up the Chief (hopefully)

two more Sunday night hangouts

one more visit with each of my friends

four days of packing and visiting

eighteeen days till Deadmonton

late nights and early mornings

I'm gonna jump on the "I love Abby" bandwagon and say I love Abby!

thanks for a good evening =)

Even if today was my dumbest day on till yet, thanks to an extreme lack of sleep. I'm not sure I should have tried to count the number of times i hit the intercom button only to forget what I was going to say on it.

Also, I got mistaken for a man today. Not that it has anything to do with having gotten no sleep, but it was insulting nonetheless. I mean, the guy I was mistaken for does have long hair that he pulls back...but my hair was in a big, poufy, messy bun on top of my head. And I don't have facial hair or a hat and Ryan definitely doesn't have glasses, boobs, or short shorts.

Anyway, I'm mostly over it.

lightning and fire

it's august!

in one month, I will be heading back to Deadmonton. seeing Al, Heather, and all my roommates, and all those people I've been missing all summer. getting back into school and homework and this year, practicing music.

this last week I was at the cabin. I LOVED it. normally I dread brushing my teeth in lakewater and I don't swim a ton because if I do, my hair gets gross and I can't tie it up. this year was awesome though. there was a lightning storm on Wednesday! It was nuts! bolts just shooting across the entire sky! the storm clouds came from opposite the sunset, too, so we have awesome pictures of the mountains and the sunset and the storm clouds creeping up on it all. it's all firey and black and amazing...it was the coolest storm I've ever sat through. naturally, there was a fire started in the mountains a few kilometres away, which wasn't so great, but we got pictures of that on the way home too =P

now my holiday is over and it's back to work tomorrow. I'm actually excited to see all my work buddies.

looking forward to the next couple of months =)

eclipse

Today, I spent the day with Rachel. The evening and night, really. I worked until 4:30, walked home, picked up dinner for the fam, ate, and then took off for the movie when Rachel arrived. The movie was mediocre - not as bad as the first one, but not very good either. Awkward acting and all that jazz. Plus, you know, Jasper's just weird looking.

It's after the movie that I loved so much. We went to Tim's and got coffee, then chilled out on the trampoline until it got too dark, at which point we went to my room and sat on my bed talking till 11. Then I drove Rachel home and got caught up in the story of Dumb Blueberry Woman, which turned into more stories on both sides and rants and more of this good conversation that lasted until quarter to 12, at which point I decided I needed to get home and get in bed, since I have to work tomorrow. Too bad that's not been going so well so far.

I have missed Rachel SO much. And even though we've known each other since grade nine, and we talk about everything* whenever we get to hang out, I feel like that last bit of our night opened up so much of ourselves and I'm extra sad now that I'm leaving again soon. But, like Heather says, we're always missing somebody. I'm just glad that I get to go back, for now.

Just so you know, Rach, you're really pretty...but I'm glad you be lazy with me :P

*one of my favourite things. Talking and listening with good friends and never running out of things to talk about...and being comfortable anyway when we do.

PS, I saw this gorgeous girl at work today. She reminded me of somebody I knew and I just had to tell her that she was really pretty. I think I sounded like either a creep or a lesbian, but I don't care.

hairspray

I just wish I could dance.

And, that I could wear poufy dresses that puff up or swirl out when you spin.

grouse grind

So I did the Grouse Grind today. Started at around 7:25 with Curtis and Ryan. At first I tended to follow Curtis (who just motored up - if he didn't wait for us every once in a while he could have beat us by a half hour). This didn't work out though, since by the time we reached the quarter mark I was dizzy and didn't even think I could get to the top (this is what several nights of bad sleep does to you, not to mention going to a school where I could stay inside for eight months if I chose to and living off caf food the whole time). Anyway, it took us till 8:45 or 8:50 or so. I had a really hard time of it just because I was so off balance. It was slippery and muddy the farther we went, which made it so much harder because that's when I felt the most dizzy, off balance, and generally wiped out. It was really hard to pace myself too. I felt like just going like Curtis but I know if I did, I wouldn't have made it.

It made me really appreciate having an older brother though. I haven't really done stuff like this with Ryan before and I had a good time even though I was so exhausted. And after the time I stopped and freaked out cause I was so dizzy, he kept checking on me and making sure I'd make it up okay. I made him go ahead of me after a while because I knew he'd set a better (slower) pace for us, but when I almost lost my balance he said that was why he wanted to stay behind me, so if I fell at least he'd be there. Even though it would probably send us both tumbling down the mountain, I thought it was sweet. People always talk about how their older brothers protect them (and beat them up) and because of the age difference between me and Ryan I haven't noticed it overly much, except in how much he makes fun of me and teases me, but tonight I definitely did and I liked it.

Anyway, now I can say I've finally done the Grind. Even if I sucked at it.

happy birthday?

it's retarded how shitty you feel when everybody seems to forget your birthday. When your friend's mom remembers before she does. When your sister has to be reminded by her friend. When it gets lost in the chaos of sickness and cancer and life. The dumb thing is how entitled we feel to some kind of special acknowledgement on a day that isn't really any different from any other. Today was my birthday, but I'm only a day older than I was yesterday, same as yesterday I was only a day older than the day before. It's not like today was special in any way. Yesterday, Abby took me out for lunch, and tomorrow is when my family will have a birthday party for me. I'll celebrate with Heather and Allison in the fall sometime, since I won't see them until then. So honestly, today wasn't a special day and didn't need to be. It just sucks when people you thought cared about you don't seem to give a shit.

work! good work

I got a call this morning asking me to work 10-6:30. I turned it down, because I wanted to go to Nightshift. I didn't end up going to Nightshift, but I did have a very productive day anyway. And I gave up an extra $80, but I think my day was better spent here than it would have been at work.

I baked today. Brownies, cookies, and jello. I had to run to Save On for a few ingredients and for Miranda to pick up a snack for the party she went to. In between all the baking, I also drove to Fraser Heights to drop her off, and I drove Kelsey to and from piano. And between around 4:30/5 and 11pm, I began a purge of the kitchen (with my dad), starting with the pantry and the fridge freezer. These are two items on a long list of cupboards and drawers in the kitchen that I have vowed to clean out and organize. Between this project, and the basement, and my own room, it's going to be a really busy next few weeks.

The thing is, this is work I feel good about. I get paid to ring people's vegetables in a till at a market, and I see a lot of people I know and I enjoy talking to a lot of the people I see, but it's not as though it's a fulfilling job. Cleaning the kitchen - purging the kitchen - cleaning my room, and cleaning up the basement so I can have people over on Sunday makes me feel a lot better about my day than a day at work does. I see the result and it will benefit me every day as I work with everything in the kitchen that I'm cleaning up. If only I could get paid for cleaning my house.

Being home makes me want to be involved in everything I can't be involved in over the year. I want to take off time to help out with the carnival and VBS, go to Kelowna and Victoria, go on vacation to Port Townsend and Twin Lakes with my family, and do all the fun things that everybody is planning. Unfortunately, being dirt poor and it being super hard to find a job, I can't do everything because I need to take advantage of the money I can actually be making over the summer. This makes it hard to want to go back to Edmonton.

But then, when I get there I will be beyond excited to be back and see Heather and Allison, and to be doing something slightly more satisfying with my time than working shit jobs that are unfulfilling.

In the meantime, I'll do what I can, deal with what I can't, work and earn money to pay for all this education, and enjoy my couple more months at home.

babysitting

This morning I didn't feel like babysitting. I felt like I was stepping down into my middle and high school years again (even though high school was only last year).

And then I actually spent time with Phoebe, and I had a blast. Two hours this morning and two more this afternoon. She is ADORABLE. She has quite a scream when she gets excited (which happens pretty often) and she loves to sign for "water". And apparently she loves me. Definitely a good thing, cause then they'll ask me to come back =P They already did, actually - she wants me to watch Phoebe at the school tomorrow night before the concert so she can get all set up with the students and everything. This is if Brittany can't come. Still, it'd be pretty fun.

And tomorrow I'm going to watch Letters to Juliet with Catherine and then we'll probably hang out for a bit, and then I'll be coming back for the concert, and then on Friday...no plans. Sleep in.

What a good week.

long distance

I had a good chat with a friend today.

It's strange how disconnected I feel from everybody here. It's easy to see which friends are solid, dependable, long term friends and which friendships are the ones that fall apart with distance. At the same time, only a couple of the friends I've made at King's are those long term friends.

I don't want to lose any, from here or there.

But it's long distance now.

giving it up

I am learning to give myself up to God.

That's one thing I've always sucked at. It is so hard to relinquish control of your life.

No matter how little control you feel you have.

This is the first night ever that I have slept in this room without a roommate.

Sure, there were nights she stayed out late, went to her sister's, or was home for the weekend...but she's always been my roommate anyway. Her stuff was always here, lying on the floor and getting in my way, and her pictures always covered the wall. Now she's gone, for real.

Allison went home yesterday (was it only yesterday? It feels like days ago, just like this morning's exam and the chaos of moving Lauren out this afternoon). Heather, Alex, Emilee, Andrew, Reuben, and Sharnelle are going home tomorrow. Corin is leaving on Wednesday (but moving out of her room on Tuesday, so it really counts as Tuesday). Ethan's here till Thursday, but I don't know how much I'll see him. I'm almost completely packed. I feel like I'm done even though I have one more final and I just want to go HOME. I know I won't get any studying done for poli anyway so it's not as though everybody leaving is going to be helpful for my concentration. Thursday is going to be SO BORING. I should have scheduled my checkout for so much earlier so that I could at least get my stuff out of here and I could stay at Uncle Henk's, hang out with Kevin, watch movies, and eat real food.

I can't even believe how empty I feel already, and most of my friends aren't quite gone yet. Anticipation for a lonely few days I guess. And the realization that this year is really over. Already.

Lauren is gone.

I want to cry.

Oh yeah.

My power cord for my laptop is going in and out. Allison's did this for a few days and then died altogether, so she charged her laptop using my power cord this afternoon and is gonna run off of battery power until her computer dies or she gets a new cord. I hope mine is still under warranty, cause I do NOT want to pay $80 for a new one.

soon!

packing is such a daunting task.

Today, I sent two boxes and my nightstand off with Uncle Henk. I SHOULD have sent a duffel bag and a suitcase with him too. I have yet another suitcase, a box of shoes, a box of miscellaneous stuff that doesn't fit anywhere (lamp, toaster, etc), a box of school stuff that I'm going to leave over the summer but still need for now, a little bit of stuff left in my closet, crap ALL over the floor, and my desk is absolutely piled with crap. Getting rid of my nightstand sucked too, because my alarm clock, lamp, and phone are now on the floor and the empty space has already attracted two packs of Dutch Blitz, my straightener, laundry detergent, packing tape, a huge stack of school stuff, and tealights. On the bright side, my nightstand is gone (and thus empty), my closet is almost empty, my desk and bookshelf are empty, and the drawers in my bed are empty except socks/underwear and another drawer with a few snacks in it.

I think in the end I will have two suitcases, one big and one small duffel bag, and maybe four boxes (one of which will stay here). Hopefully I can get rid of a bunch of it on Tuesday, since most people are going to be gone by Thursday and I'll have no one to help me bring down the rest.

One week!!

I can't believe what a fool I've been the last week or so.

Some kind of reaction to another situation, maybe. End of year stress too, i guess.

I can't wait to go home.

open mic

Tonight was the last 937 of the year. I'm really sad now, actually, because I know I'm gonna miss it a ton. They made it an open mic 937. Free for all, anybody go up and grab the mike and talk. Denyse went up and talked about the fall retreat, when we stood on the shore of the lake and sang across it, listening to it echoing back to us. Alyssa talked about 937 over the last three years and how much different it is now. People talked about their Bible studies, small groups, and all of the King's community. Jason pointed out that not everybody feels like they belong in the King's community...and the funny thing is that I didn't even think about it till then, but I felt that way until a couple of months ago. Now, of course, I know that I belong (it's amazing how much of a difference such awesome friends can make) but I think about how at Christmas I was convinced that I would not be back here next year. Now I can't imagine NOT being here. Matt, too, had something that I found really interesting (partly because it's something I've been thinking about for a while). He mentioned names and how much of a difference it makes when you say somebody's name. And I totally know EXACTLY what he's talking about. Ethan ALWAYS says my name when he greets me, and I always smile and say, "Hi, Ethan!" It's an automatic response. I wanted to imitate this, because I think it DOES make a difference. It's not even hard. It comes so naturally. I mean, think about walking down the hall and nodding at someone, saying, "Hey," compared to stopping for a sec, smiling, and saying, "Hey, ____, how's it going?" I dunno. I don't like small talk but I do like to hear how people are doing...is that a paradox? Ah, whatever.

Another thing about 937 was that throughout the whole thing, I kept thinking about Bekah's blog post ( kay for some reason it's not linking so here's the link: http://bekahhbekahho.blogspot.com/2010/03/249.html) from a while back and thinking that today was just like that. Especially in the last few songs. Everybody was singing, and half the people were dancing. I was laughing, thinking about this, people were singing mostly well and at least enthusiastically, and it was just a blast. I know that we need to have our silent and sombre moments, but we need these times too. And we have just spent all of Lent in 937s of reflective songs, quiet, and confession. Sometimes we just need to praise.

24 days

24 days until I'm back in BC for the summer!

20 days before I'm kicked out of rez, yay.

I am so excited for life. Summer is coming up and after that I've got at least another year here, maybe even two or three more.

I'm a little sad though. I'm finding I care less and less about things that are happening at home. I care for people, of course. I just don't care much about events. King's is occupying more of my attention. Good, because I'm here and I can't focus my life around home and what I'm missing...but bad, because I am worried I will lose touch with too many things and people in BC.

But these are my university years. I'm going to enjoy them while I've got them.

I need another to-do list.

"All shit's gonna go down tonight"

We got another two girls to fill out our apartment, yay! That was confirmed yesterday.

Today was an hour and a half of English and skipping music class to work on my paper. Today was a meeting at 2 to discuss some general apartment stuff such as which room we want. Today was trying to work on my paper all day and not being able to focus.

Today was room draw. We just scraped by. We got the last apartment available for groups of six. The only other one left was for a group of five. We got our apartment, put down our room, and booked it out of there. Congregated outside and prayed. We needed it so much.

Stress just built up and up all day and climaxed in the hour we spent at room draw watching people go up and claim apartments. I couldn't even handle it anymore and spent that hour solving Paul's rubix cube over and over and over again. Spent most of the evening on the verge of tears. Relieved tears, and sad tears, for the people who didn't get apartments. Shitty deal. And now it's over.

Reuben has gotta be one of my favourite people. His funny comments and hilarious reactions are killer. His joking around made us laugh tonight =) And he's always a good Dutch Blitz opponent.

Time to focus. Lots to do by Thursday, and I'm only skipping one class tomorrow.

next year's plans

Life is so incredibly stressful right now.

I have all the stuff to do on that checklist yet. And the more it piles up, the less I want to do it. Especially with so much drama and other stresses going around. Such as our apartment situation. It's not drama, thank heavens, but it is stressful nonetheless. We have a group of four and there is another group of six with two girls that are thinking about coming to live with us. Apartments are given out based on a point system, and our group of four has less points than the average group because we 1) don't have a full group and 2) have Heather, who has a semester less here than the rest of us (we get 30 points or something for each semester we've been here). I LOVE our group of four, but the problem is that we need a fifth and sixth or we have virtually no hope of getting into the apartments. There are 108 spots and there are 116 people or something that applied on time. There are another probably 20 people or so who applied late and are therefore on a wait list. So it's quite stressful because if we don't get an apartment (or if we get split up, in which case we are all leaving the apartments) we will have to find a house. One of our group does not want to find a house with us because she has no money (none of us do), so she will probably choose to live in the Tower over finding a house with us. At the moment we are hoping that those two other girls will be able to switch over from their own group of six, but at this point we don't know. The other group has a CLL in it (basically an RA for the apartments) who is guaranteed an apartment, so we are hoping that her group is guaranteed to stay with her. If that is the case, it would be perfect for us because those other two girls could join us. The best part about this situation is that everything is open and honest and there is no muttering and whispering about it. We have been appreciating everyone's cooperation with this as they are doing us a HUGE favour by even considering it, although we have already made it completely clear that we do not want to screw them over by taking the two extra girls. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work, and we will find a house. It is slightly reassuring to know that, by tomorrow night, we will know what we need to do, but that doesn't make it easy to wait. And in the meantime, I need to focus...

Wednesday!

POLI PAPER POSTPONED

planning out life

Easter is next weekend! And I'm heading on home for a couple of days. Which means that I have a mound of stuff to do before next Thursday:

1) finish my financial aid app

2) finish this stupid globe and mail survey

3) read two chapters for Bible study (in the next hour)

4) two music assignments for Tuesday and Thursday

5) poli paper (7-8 pages) by Monday

6) English presentation next Thursday on Act II of Goodnight Desdemona, Good Morning Juliet

7) sociology poster project for the Wednesday after Easter (so, to finish before the weekend)

I'm sure there's more but this is the main stuff at the moment. Now, I have to get all this done, and there's a million things going on. Bible study, Battle of the Bands, and phoning Kristin for her birthday tonight, I think some kind of event tomorrow but I forget what it is, Room Draw is next Wednesday, plus all the normal stuff like 937 and I have to go to a Noon Tunes for music class. At least the choir concert isn't until April 19th.

And now that I've plotted out what I need to do over the next week, I can get started on actually getting it done! I'm organized that way. Right.

computer free

On Thursday, I didn't turn my computer on all day. I went to class, hung around with people, coloured, and went to a Dutch Blitz tournament at 7. Then there was a movie on in the lounge for King's View so a bunch of us piled in there and watched, and then I came to my own room and got ready for bed. It was after midnight when I finally turned on my computer. If not for the fact that a bunch of people came in and watched a movie and hung out and I taught Tyler to play Dutch Blitz, my computer would have been shut down and I would have been in bed by 1. The funny thing is, I didn't spend the whole day thinking, "I need to check my facebook" or "I'm bored, I guess I'll play bubble spinner for a bit". I got to dinner and realized that I hadn't turned on and I had had no desire to all day. And I liked the day without it.

937

I remember when I started this blog. My floor was on Worship 937 and I had to talk about prayer.

And now I'm back to that. This time our theme is silence. Or noise, whichever way you want to look at it.

I'm really excited for this one. In keeping with the theme, we're going to have very little music. We'll start with somebody reading a Bible verse, probably, and then we'll sing a song or two, and then somebody will introduce our 937 and then we'll watch a nooma video. After that, Tim will talk (probably not a sermon) for a bit and then we'll sing another song or two. I'll close with a prayer and a blessing.

I love organizing 937. I've noticed that when I attend every week, I go and get pumped up and feel so fired up for God, and then I come away from it with little to show. It's only a week between each service and yet it takes only a day or two for me to forget it all. Planning 937, I'm forced to reflect on it and really take it in. Especially with this whole silence thing...Annalise and I were talking about it, and how it really is so impossible for us to get away from noise (particularly living in the rez). Go to class and have teachers talking at you, eat lunch and be surrounded by all the people in the caf, go up to your room and hear the noises in the halls and from other rooms. Even when there is quiet, it seems eerie. So we put on music and talk at each other, play video games and watch movies.

Today, I woke up at 12:30. Having been up till 4:30 on Thursday night and then up till about 3:30 last night, I wasn't really surprised. I got up, took a shower, took my time with my hair and stuff (in other words, actually waited for my bangs to dry before straightening them, unlike mornings when I have class), looked up some songs that we could play at 937, and then took my book and ipod to the lounge and read fifty pages of Harry Potter. Then I came back to my room to find some food and read another fifty pages. All day, it's been slow and quiet. And I'm thrown off by that. I'm bored. I don't know what to do with myself. I always hate weekends here because there's nothing to do. People go home, people go out, they stay with family in the city. And then there's people like me, who can't go home because they live in another province. We sit around all day doing nothing.

I need to learn to take days like this as a blessing. To take the quiet and the aloneness and use it in reflective time. In prayer. In quiet activities. Instead of searching for friends and waiting for something to do to present itself.

It's dinnertime now.

a full, breaking heart

Things like this make me so happy. I love my friends here and I will be very sad to leave them in a couple of months. I want to come visit so badly. I'm really happy when I see how different things are now. How much things have changed, in such good ways. When I leave, I will take my sadness as a good thing. It will mean I have made friends and had a good year. And I love my roommate. She puts aside her own stresses to have a talk with a friend who really needs it. To sit and say, "I want to hear about your problems. Tell me what's bothering you. I'll help. I want to listen." She is always bubbly and friendly and such a sweetheart. I am so glad for this semester and how much closer we are than I ever expected we would be (which was hardly at all, seeing how completely and utterly different we are). I am going to miss her so much when I leave.

Now, it's time for bed. My alarm is going to go off in five and a half hours.

I love my school. I love my friends.

"BEFORE I CAME TO UNIVERSITY I WISH I'D KNOWN... that it didn't matter how late i scheduled my latest class i'd still sleep through it that i would change so much and barely realize it that you can love a lot of different people in a lot of different ways that university kids throw airplanes too that if you wear a skirt everyone asks why you're dressed up that every clock on the campus shows a different time that if you were smart in high school, so what! that i'd go to a party the night before a final that chem labs take more time than all my other 18 credits combined that change is a very positive experience and shouldn't be avoided that you can know everything and fail a test that you can know nothing and pass a test that i could get used to almost anything i found out about my roommate that home would be a great place to visit that most of my education would be obtained outside of my classes that friendship is more than just getting drunk together what i was getting into that i would be one of those people my parents warned me about that free food served at 10:00 is gone by 9:59 that sunday is a figment of the world's imagination that psychology is really biology, that biology is really chem, chem is really physics, physics is really math, math is really... and english sucks that it's a good idea to go places alone and not always rely on group support it's possible to be lonely even when surrounded by friends that friendships are what make this place worthwhile"

Sev runs, Tim's runs, Walmart runs, 3 hour Dutch Blitz games, heated discussions about Harry Potter, Apples to Apples, Lacombe, weekends of absolutely nothing, 4 consecutive movies on a Friday night, the entire first season of Scrubs in three nights, Skins, drama, sharing books and movies, music (loud, annoying, pounding, entertaining, amazing music), 937, hilarious youtube videos, bowling, masquerades, sports games, everybody watching the soccer game in the freezing wind just to see Alex do a handspring throw-in, 1.5 hour bus rides just to get to West Ed, messy roommates and their friends, pranks, dirty bathrooms, allnighters, H1N1, endless tea and hot chocolate, losing textbooks, rearranging rooms, and even a little bit of homework.

too many plans

Next year is just a mess right now. I have too many things that I want to do! It's funny, because in grade 12 I was like, "I have no goals. I guess I'll go to King's cause it looks like my only option right now." When I dropped chem, I checked my courses against the King's admission requirements to make sure I could get in, and of course I did. But now I'm thinking of so many other things I want to do: -Karen has made me want to travel. So badly. -I want to do missions! This includes Honduras trips through either King's or the church or a DTS to Guatemala or South Africa. -SFU? UFV? -Kings??? -part time school? work? AHHHH! Karen's travelling makes me want to go places! I want to backpack Europe, go to Africa, go to Asia, go to New Zealand. And the thing is, doing it all may be a little unrealistic at this point, but doing any of it is totally within reach in the next few years. King's is looking extremely unlikely at this point, as much as I love it here, which means the Honduras water project is out. However, I could still go through the church if I am home (so, working or at SFU or UFV). And if not that, Ethan has gotten me excited to go to Guatemala on a DTS like he did last year. He told me about it. First semester, you start in Winnepeg and travel west across Canada. You do urban whatchamacallums where you basically live on the streets for a while (not overnight though). You do theology classes and stuff. Second semester you go to Guatemala, so you do six weeks of Spanish learning and you go to Guatemala and go to the mountains where they don't even speak Spanish, they speak the native language that's named something I can't remember and it seriously sounds so intense and so amazing. If not DTS, I'm looking at SFU or UFV, probably. If I go to either I need to look into filling a missing grade 12 course (courses like band and Bible 12 don't count at either school, although both counted towards my grade twelve courses for King's), and if I can do that in the summer I need to see if I can still apply at these schools when I can't complete the course yet. Even then, I need to decide what to do there (such as ed program, English program, general studies, part time, etc) so it's like every decision sparks a hundred more decisions and factors to work through, and I feel pretty overwhelmed by it all. I guess I need to pray. On a lighter note, I'm 1/4 for roll up the rim. I won a donut!! Which, when Alida's journal makes its rounds to me, I'm going to paste in there, along with pictures of King's friends and some notes about what I loved best about this year. When I leave, I am going to miss this place so much. That's a good sign of a good year, good friends, and a good school. So, when I cry at the end of the year, I am going to take it as a good thing. And come visit.

health

So, my giving up facebook for Lent absolutely failed. I had too much to do via facebook at the beginning, trying to arrange a ride back from the airport, and then it just felt pointless. So on Wednesday I decided to give up the elevator. It sounds stupid, but seriously. I take the elevator EVERY DAY. When I have my laptop or when I'm by myself, I even take it going DOWN, which is SO easy to just walk down the stairs. I'm kind of paranoid about dropping my computer, since I already tripped once on the stairs with it (going up, thank heavens). Besides, I never work out or anything and while I'm not gaining weight, that is only because I'm losing muscle mass and gaining fat. I know, I'm not fat. But I'm definitely living quite unhealthily. So besides taking the stairs, I'm gonna try to get better stuff at the caf (not gonna be easy, since hardly anything is "healthy" aside from a tossed salad...). And speaking of health, I'm kinda mad at myself about my eyes. I love my eyes. They are probably my favourite feature. I think that I have really nice eyes. And yet I've been staying up SUPER late and spending WAY too much time on my computer (and yesterday I did both, spending literally almost the entire day on my computer, working on a soc paper until probably midnight). And it's seriously so bad for my eyes! They hurt and itch a lot, and every night when I go to bed they're pretty red. So, that's another thing to fix in my life. So I guess for now I'll focus on my physical health...and then I have to try to clean up some of the noise in my life and work on my emotional and mental health. Besides, both should start to improve with physical health =P Yeah, just a couple thoughts.

Olympics!

Alright, I confess. Even though I spent two weeks in the same place as the Olympics, I haven't been keeping up super well. BUT I'm currently watching the Canada vs Slovakia hockey game and we're winning 3-0, yay. And they just showed the standings. Canada has: 9 gold 7 silver 4 bronze And I honestly don't know how many people actually read this blog. Odds are everyone who reads it already knows about Goat for Gold. BUT here's the link anyway. And the hyperlink's not working so here: http://www.goatforgold.com/ They're not doing so hot right now! 169 goats, compared to the 1073 from last year's playoffs. I suppose any goats is good, but I figured I might as well advertise some more for them. Anyway, keep an eye out and get a goat!

BATB

I Love Beauty and the Beast. It's one of Disney's best movies. I love the story of Cinderella, but Disney's version is SO boring. Likewise, Sleeping Beauty and Snow White both suck. Sword in the Stone seems kind of pointless...there isn't much of a story. But Beauty and the Beast... The story is so well told. I love the humour too. "There's the usual things...flowers, chocolates, promises you don't intend to keep..." And how the Beast tries to eat with a spoon. I DIED laughing. The music is awesome too! I love the opening, and the music at the transformation just blows me away (I'm not even sure why, cause I'm pretty sure it's not as amazing as I think it is). And I love the song "Something There". That's my short rant. I'm playing it in the background as I try to study...cause I need to study...cause my paper is due in two days! And my poli letter is due, and I have Bible study tomorrow afternoon so that's gonna eat up a bunch of time (I forgot about it, and it'll be good, but it is time that I can't spend working...like this time I'm spending blogging...). Yeah gotta work now. bye!

maybe I'll start numbering my posts too

Moments just whiz right on by. I'm noticing that more and more, as I struggle to get back the ones I loved most. But then, they'll come around again. And homework is a pain.

lent

So, everybody seems to be giving up facebook for Lent. I think it's a good idea, and I wanted to join the facebook fast party. I realized, though, that too much of my communication is based around facebook these days. For example: When I was in high school, the only people I had on facebook were family (siblings, cousins), people in or who went to my highschool, and people from work. And to be honest, I didn`t need facebook to talk to them. In fact, I didn't even talk to most of them. NOW I'm in university. I have a whole bunch of new friends, all of whom I communicate with through facebook when I am home. Hardly anybody uses msn anymore these days and I know i don't have a lot of people's emails anymore. Nor do a I have a phone (another social necessity these days) so I don't have a stock of people's phone numbers. So if I don't want to cut off communication entirely between King's people (when I'm at home) and people at home (when I'm at school), I can't give it up. So rather than give it up entirely, I am going to instead limit the amount of time that i let myself spend on it. Now, I don't even know how much time I spend on it in a day. I do know that even when I'm not using it, half the time it's open in my web browser anyway, sitting there waiting for messages, notifications, and so on. Ridiculous. So I'm cutting that out entirely. If I'm not actively using it, it's not logged in at all. I'm also going to limit how much I actually use it, to maybe half an hour every day. This might in fact limit how long I am on my computer all day, period. I'm going to make sure that every time I close the window, I log out first, so that I have to actively log in next time I open it (this will hopefully make me more aware of how often I automatically click "facebook" in my top sites). Anyway, that's my plan. Before you folks all go "Hey, Lent is about fasting, you can't cheat and half-fast!"...just think how much it sucks to not talk to people for over a month. And I dont' have the option of phoning people up, all the time, what with long distance and all. And besides, I'm still giving up facebook, if not entirely. Just giving up most of the time I spend on it. And hopefully giving it to something more worthwhile, like family, friends, homework, reading, writing, sleeping, and all that good stuff. Good luck to all the rest of you who are giving it up!

student leader

So I checked my King's email today to see if I had received news about my application for MC. I saw one titled "student leader selection followup" and it had an attachment called "Allison Heinen offer letter" as well as a bunch of other attachments (agreement, job description, orientation info). Click the attachment, start reading. "Dear Alison Heinen, On behalf of the Student Life Office, thank you for your recent application and interview for a place on the 2010-11 Community Life Team at King’s. It is our pleasure to offer you the position of Residence Assistant, and our hope that you will prayerfully consider being a part of the great things God has in store for the King’s student community next year." They spelled my name wrong. Also, RA?? Yeah, I went to student life on Tuesday and said that if they were super short for RAs, I'd also be willing to do that (MC as my first choice though). Cause I knew that a bunch of really awesome people applied for RA and I thought that if there was a good group of us, it'd be pretty sweet. And I knew that not a whole lot of girls applied for RA. But Kristin said, "Oh, I think we got enough in the end," so I said, "Oh okay, don't even worry about it then," and assumed that was that. And now they're offering me the job? Plus, my interview was two weeks ago...so a week and a half after that, three days before they send out the decisions, I let them know that it might work and they take me up on it?? WOW. So anyway, I think I'll probably take it. It will severely cut down on my money problems and yeah, I'm kinda sick of caf food but I'll hopefully be able to cut down on that a little bit and maybe buy and eat healthier stuff from elsewhere. I'm also worried because four of the people I know applied for stuff didn't get anything. I knew from Mich's status that he didn't get anything, and Andrew told me tonight that neither he, Mich, Matt, or Jeremiah got anything either. So who's left? Reuben, I think...I can't remember. I'll probably accept anyway but I'd like to know who else they offered the job to, so I kind of know what sort of group I'll be with. Anyway, time for bed. Quarter to one, geez. Maybe I'll fall asleep within the next 13 minutes and can say I went to sleep before 1 for the first time since probably Christmas or something. Wow. Night!

home!

I'm home! And it's weird, because it's just me and the younger sibs. Soon Mom and Dad will be back, but Lauren's in Africa and Kristin's going to the island soon. Wow. Going to be doing lots of homework and such this break but I'll be heading down to Vancouver for a bit too, and hanging out with friends of course! Pretty excited for a week's break at home. Even though I was home five weeks ago =P I do feel bad though cause I wasn't very sympathetic to Reuben yesterday (he's stuck in Edmonton cause he's got volleyball)...he can probably handle it though. And Corin's there too so she and Reub will probably hang out lots...they'll be fine. I just feel bad for them because it IS the Olympics. But it's life I guess. The rest of us who ARE home (or visiting) are gonna plan a day and head out to Vancouver for the day and go to a free concert at night too. I'm pretty excited for that. There's some pretty awesome King's people living out here =) Anyway, it's nice to be home for a week. Get away from caf food too. So sick of it. Oh. And I can watch TV.

soon =)

To do in the next 56.5 hours (or less) -write 3.5 more pages of this English paper (due 11AM tomorrow) -do music theory homework (due immediately after English) -study for English midterm (tomorrow, 3PM) -study for sociology midterm (Wednesday, noon) -let my profs know I'm leaving -pick up my Bible study book -arrange a ride back from the airport on the 20th (Mich, maybe? apparently not Matt, since his car got freaking broken into) -pack See you all in two and a half days!!!

I'm lame, I know, but i stole this from facebook

this is one of the few facebook surveys I liked. I think it's because it's got ten somethings, then 9, then 8, and so on. Even if some of the questions will always be dumb. I know I did this one on facebook already but it's funny how much has changed since then (which, by the way, was February 11, 2009...almost one year ago). Anyway, here we go! (ps if you actually read all this, I'll be shocked) Answer these questions and then tag people who you want to answer them. TEN WHATS: 1. What was the first thing you thought about when you woke up? WOW what a day for this. I thought how stupid it was to pull an allnighter last night and how much I REALLY didn't want to go to soc (what a waste of time, too) and how i was completely shocked (and kind of pleasantly surprised) that I actually woke up in time to take a shower. 2. What did you do last night? pulled an all night with Lauren, Lisa, Renee, Tyler, and Rob (guys had basketball at 5:30 and figured that they might as well just stay up till then...in me and Lauren's room)...this included getting slurpees and stuff at 12:30, eating all Rebecca's wheat thins, Tyler editing the girls' profile pictures to somehow relate to him, and general talking and fooling around. 3. What is the most important part of your life right now? Ha! Not school, even though it is more important to me now. Friends and fam, all the way ♥ 4. What would you rather be doing right now? I dunno, maybe reading the Lovely Bones...and I OUGHT to be working on my paper. BUT I'm doing this survey when I don't have to, so it's kinda a pointless question. 5. What did you last cry over? I cried because Lauren was going to Africa the next morning and I'm not exactly worried, but it IS Africa and it is a pretty long time, and I'm missing her like crazy. 6. What always makes you feel better when you're upset? Nothing, really...I gotta ride it out. I listen to music though. Read letters, books, or phone up a friend. 7. What are your plans tomorrow? Thursday? Missing class to go to Pirates of Penzance, then CRAMMING to get my IS done. 9. What are you worried about? IS paper...English paper a bit too I guess...also I have to write two midterms early before I head on home next week and it's a little stressful cause I suck at studying. 10. What are you looking forward to most in this week? Too much stuff happening! Picnic in February at Danelle's (!) and 937 tonight, masquerade ball on Friday, Uncle Dick's birthday on Saturday, and Elisabeth phoning me on Sunday! Can't pick, everything is too good. NINE HAVE-YOU-EVERS: 1. Have you ever liked someone with a girlfriend/boyfriend? yup. 2. Have you ever had your heart broken? Yeah, I'd say so. Not in a romantic, boy-destroyed-me kind of way, but in a couple of shattered friendships and when Opa died. 3. Have you ever played on a sports team? yeah, soccer for nine years and Ultimate for a bit. 4. Have you ever been out of the country? Three times to California (Disneyland x2 with the fam and San Fran with music), Europe, Port Townsend with the fam, misc trips to visit Uncle Henry's property in Washington, and Honduras. 6. Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend? absolutely. It sucks. 7. Have you ever had the cops called on you? no. 8. Have you ever dated someone younger then you? yeah... 9. Have you ever read an entire book in one day? yup. EIGHT WHOS: 1. Who was the last person you saw? Renee walked in my room looking for Lauren. 2. Who was the last person you hugged? Wow I can't believe this is so hard...I think it was Matt, last week at 937. I can't believe I don't hug people here. 3. Who was the last person you called? Ryan and Kristin! 4. Who was the last person to call you? I don't know, actually. My phone stopped ringing as I walked in the door, so I have no clue who it was. 5. Who was your first crush? I don't remember. Josh Ooms, back in grade 3? 6. Who was the last person to text message you? Sadly, still no phone even though I'm way out here in Edmonton. 7.Who is the last person you texted? ...no phone? 8. Who did you last yell at?: I don't yell at people often, and definitely not here, so I'm gonna say I have no clue. SEVEN WHENS: 1. When was your last shower? This morning! And glorious it was. 2. When did you last see your mom? January 6th, when she dropped me off at the airport. 3. When was your last hug? Matt, last week. I think. 4. When did you last dress up? Allison's birthday in December. 5. When was the last time you cried? Last week? Over Lauren? Teared up a couple times between now and then... 6. When did you last go to the movie theatre? AVATAR, three weeks ago-ish? 7. When were you born? June 25, back in the day SIX WHERES: 1. Where do(es) your best friend(s) live? Surrey. Best friends from King's live in Lacombe, Smithers, Abbotsford, and Ontario somewhere though. 2. Where did you last go? West Ed with Sonya a couple Saturdays ago. 3. Where did you last hang out? In my room, last night... 4. Where do you go to school? King's University College. 5. Where is your favorite place to be? With a good friend. The cabin. Home. 6. Where did you sleep last night? in my bed. FIVE DO/DOES: 1. Do you like someone right now? maybe. 2. Do they like you too? Mmmm HIGHLY doubt it. 3. Do you ever wish you were someone else? Every once in a while. 4. Do you know the muffin man? Yeah, I actually met him here at King's. His real name is Michel. 5. Does the future scare you? It used to, but I couldn't say, now. The future's five minutes from now, five days from now, five months and five years. I think I worry about more important stuff now, and I don't think the future really scares me anymore. FOUR WHYS: 1. Why are you best friends with your best friends? Because there are very few people who I can just be whoever with. Because I know they'll love me and not think less of me just cause I do something stupid. They listen to me and don't let me get away with any crap either. Because they're absolutely the most fun to be with and they are generally amazing people. 2. Why did you get Facebook? Cause...Laura left somewhere? And everybody kept telling me to get it and my sisters had it, and I wanted to try it. 3. Why did your parents give you the name you have? Cause...it worked? I dunno. It's not the same name as my older sisters? 4. Why are you doing this survey? Cause I read the version of it I posted on facebook last year and I thought it was funny how every answer is so different now from a year ago. THREE IFS: 1. If you could have one superpower, what would it be? I don't particularly want one, but if I had to have one, maybe some kind of shapeshifting ability? It would definitely blow everything else out of the water since you could be something tiny instead of being invisible, and you could be a bird to fly, and you could be...I dunno, like a bear or something to be strong... 2. If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you? Uhhhh. I say absolutely, cause I regret it more than anything else, but at the same time I know that a lot would go different if I changed it, and I'd probably make that mistake somewhere down the road anyway. I just got the lesson earlier this way. 3. If you were stranded on a desert island and could bring one thing what would it be? My brother. I definitely miss him like crazy. Or if people weren't allowed, tissues. TWO WOULD-YOU-EVERS: 1. Would you ever be friends with someone again, who you promised yourself you never would be because they were mean to you? I'd really like to be able to say yes, I would...but I doubt I could. I don't just promise myself never to be friends with somebody cause they're mean, though. That's lame. BUT I doubt I could be friends with a couple of certain people right now. 2. Would you ever shave your head to save the person you love? Of course! Man, I love my hair but I'm not that shallow that I'd choose it over a person. ONE 1. Name a dream you wish to fulfill: I don't really have dreams right now. I work bit by bit. Get through university, I guess? Whatever way it happens. It's too hard to have a dream that you can feel reasonably sure of fulfilling when you don't know what will be happening in your life a few months from now. Dreams that might not be fulfilled: have some effect on the world...like change something like homelessness, or spend time on missions (not just like a 2 week Honduras or Mexico trip...the kind where you stay and build real relationships with people); somehow learn to be NORMAL around nice guys; go computer free for a week...

lauren left her lamp on

I don't feel like getting up to shut it off. But I doubt she'll do it either. She's sleeping.

I need to sleep

so much for going to bed early. I could easily have slept at like, 10. But I phoned my family and then spent some time hanging out in the lounge with Paul, Allison, and Phil. Come back and Lisa and Lauren put on a movie. That ended probably twenty minutes ago. NOW it's almost 2. I have class at 10 tomorrow, which seems late, but considering how sleep deprived I am, it's not at all. Even now I'd be going to bed except I'm trying to get some good sleep music on my ipod first, which apparently can't be identified by the computer. I noticed today how everybody on my floor is musical and loves to crank their music, but how everybody's music is so different. Lauren LOVES David Archuleta, so today when she cranked her music (rare occassion), it was some David mixed in with Jordin Sparks, Owl City, and Boys Like Girls. Andrew plays Dashboard Confessional, Blink-182, some Relient K and Jack Johnson...pretty decent mix. Marcel's music is generally unidentifiable since he got a new sub. All I hear on my side of the wall is BASS. He USED to play stuff like Coldplay, Miley Cyrus (Party in the USA exclusively), and Owl City. I think Ethan influences him a bit in terms of music too. When it's just Ethan, I hear lots of the Weepies and Nickel Creek. Then there's Allison and Michelle who play no music, Erin and Renee who are always in either my room or Andrew's, and David and Nathan who play video games. Plus the miscellaneous people on my side of the floor who I hardly see. So I guess our floor's music is based around about four people =P I love my floor. Oh, finally it worked. Time for bed.

love

Dang, I blog almost every day now. So just now I was listening to one of my all time favourite songs ever. I'll give you the lyrics, then I'll tell you why. Love, by Sugarland Is it the face of a child Is it the thrill of danger Is it the kindness we see in the eyes of a stranger Is it more than faith Is it more than hope Is it waiting for us at the end of our rope I say it's love I say it's love Is it the one you call home Is it the Holy Land Is it standing right here holding your hand Is it just like the movies Is it rice and white lace Is it the feeling I get when I wake to your face I say it’s love I say it’s love Is it the first summer storm Is it the colors of fall Is it having so little And yet having it all Is it one in a million Is it a chance to belong Is it standing right here singing this song I say it’s love I say it’s love (I say it’s love) Is it a veil or a cross Is it the poet's gift (I say it’s love) Is it the face that has launched over thousands of ships (I say it’s love) Is it making you laugh Is it letting you cry (I say it’s love) Is it where we believe that we go when we die (I say it’s love) Is it how you were made Is it your mother's ghost (I say it’s love) Is it the wish that I'm wishing for your life, for your life, for your life the most For starters, I have the studio version on my ipod. Downloaded, of course. And that version is fine. But if you listen to the live version and watch the video, it's so much more intense! So much more passionate! Uncontained. And I just love the lyrics. One thing I've always really liked about country music is how it tells a story. One thing I LOVE about this song is how it doesn't. But it's not like tons of popular music lately, that's basically got a good beat so you can dance to it and little else...it's got real meaning. No story, but meaning. My two favourite parts of the song are the first verse and the end. Is it the face of a child...I read something similar in my book today: "Something so divine that no one up in heaven could have made it up; the care a child took with an adult." I love that idea. Yeah, kids can be bratty. They can have tantrums and be impossible. But kids seem to have a bigger capacity than us to love. Not that we can't...but they just have this innocent love. To quote Bekah (kinda), their love isn't, "I like you till you hurt me." And is the the kindness we see in the eyes of a stranger...I want to be that stranger. Like our "service project" last semester. We just headed out onto 50th at rush hour in the snow and waited for the light to turn red. Then we went up to cars and just gave them candy canes. Yeah, we did it cause we had to do SOMETHING. But it was so much fun, and people loved it. This time around we're going to the Mustard Seed. I haven't been...I can't wait. It's a shame how psycho our society is. These days people who go around talking to everybody and being really friendly are seen as weird or creepy, cause it's better to be safe than sorry. Who knows, maybe Rekiana's creepy 42-year-old stalker is really just a nice guy. On the other hand, maybe not. Is it making you laugh...is it letting you cry. You need a bit of both. Enough said. Man I can't get over this song sometimes. Sometimes, when I go to bed super late and i should really just sleep, I pull out my ipod and watch the video. Thanks to Curtis, I got it from youtube onto my computer and then my ipod (I don't know how the heck that works, but it did!). I just love the passion. I LOVE the whole end. Kristian Bush just goes all out. Not that the studio version is like, "we don't care"...but when you slap them up against each other and just listen, it's so obvious. Maybe the whole concert atmosphere just changes it all. I mean, you've got the fans and the lights to add to it. I don't know. Whatever it is, I LOVE it. Sugarland's got some other quality songs. Life In A Northern Town (with Little Big Town and Jake Owen...SO GOOD), Already Gone, and Stay. I'm really depressed right now cause I can't find the old video for Life In A Northern Town. Anyway, some musical thoughts for you folks. love!