This is the first night ever that I have slept in this room without a roommate.

Sure, there were nights she stayed out late, went to her sister's, or was home for the weekend...but she's always been my roommate anyway. Her stuff was always here, lying on the floor and getting in my way, and her pictures always covered the wall. Now she's gone, for real.

Allison went home yesterday (was it only yesterday? It feels like days ago, just like this morning's exam and the chaos of moving Lauren out this afternoon). Heather, Alex, Emilee, Andrew, Reuben, and Sharnelle are going home tomorrow. Corin is leaving on Wednesday (but moving out of her room on Tuesday, so it really counts as Tuesday). Ethan's here till Thursday, but I don't know how much I'll see him. I'm almost completely packed. I feel like I'm done even though I have one more final and I just want to go HOME. I know I won't get any studying done for poli anyway so it's not as though everybody leaving is going to be helpful for my concentration. Thursday is going to be SO BORING. I should have scheduled my checkout for so much earlier so that I could at least get my stuff out of here and I could stay at Uncle Henk's, hang out with Kevin, watch movies, and eat real food.

I can't even believe how empty I feel already, and most of my friends aren't quite gone yet. Anticipation for a lonely few days I guess. And the realization that this year is really over. Already.

Lauren is gone.

I want to cry.

Oh yeah.

My power cord for my laptop is going in and out. Allison's did this for a few days and then died altogether, so she charged her laptop using my power cord this afternoon and is gonna run off of battery power until her computer dies or she gets a new cord. I hope mine is still under warranty, cause I do NOT want to pay $80 for a new one.

soon!

packing is such a daunting task.

Today, I sent two boxes and my nightstand off with Uncle Henk. I SHOULD have sent a duffel bag and a suitcase with him too. I have yet another suitcase, a box of shoes, a box of miscellaneous stuff that doesn't fit anywhere (lamp, toaster, etc), a box of school stuff that I'm going to leave over the summer but still need for now, a little bit of stuff left in my closet, crap ALL over the floor, and my desk is absolutely piled with crap. Getting rid of my nightstand sucked too, because my alarm clock, lamp, and phone are now on the floor and the empty space has already attracted two packs of Dutch Blitz, my straightener, laundry detergent, packing tape, a huge stack of school stuff, and tealights. On the bright side, my nightstand is gone (and thus empty), my closet is almost empty, my desk and bookshelf are empty, and the drawers in my bed are empty except socks/underwear and another drawer with a few snacks in it.

I think in the end I will have two suitcases, one big and one small duffel bag, and maybe four boxes (one of which will stay here). Hopefully I can get rid of a bunch of it on Tuesday, since most people are going to be gone by Thursday and I'll have no one to help me bring down the rest.

One week!!

I can't believe what a fool I've been the last week or so.

Some kind of reaction to another situation, maybe. End of year stress too, i guess.

I can't wait to go home.

open mic

Tonight was the last 937 of the year. I'm really sad now, actually, because I know I'm gonna miss it a ton. They made it an open mic 937. Free for all, anybody go up and grab the mike and talk. Denyse went up and talked about the fall retreat, when we stood on the shore of the lake and sang across it, listening to it echoing back to us. Alyssa talked about 937 over the last three years and how much different it is now. People talked about their Bible studies, small groups, and all of the King's community. Jason pointed out that not everybody feels like they belong in the King's community...and the funny thing is that I didn't even think about it till then, but I felt that way until a couple of months ago. Now, of course, I know that I belong (it's amazing how much of a difference such awesome friends can make) but I think about how at Christmas I was convinced that I would not be back here next year. Now I can't imagine NOT being here. Matt, too, had something that I found really interesting (partly because it's something I've been thinking about for a while). He mentioned names and how much of a difference it makes when you say somebody's name. And I totally know EXACTLY what he's talking about. Ethan ALWAYS says my name when he greets me, and I always smile and say, "Hi, Ethan!" It's an automatic response. I wanted to imitate this, because I think it DOES make a difference. It's not even hard. It comes so naturally. I mean, think about walking down the hall and nodding at someone, saying, "Hey," compared to stopping for a sec, smiling, and saying, "Hey, ____, how's it going?" I dunno. I don't like small talk but I do like to hear how people are doing...is that a paradox? Ah, whatever.

Another thing about 937 was that throughout the whole thing, I kept thinking about Bekah's blog post ( kay for some reason it's not linking so here's the link: http://bekahhbekahho.blogspot.com/2010/03/249.html) from a while back and thinking that today was just like that. Especially in the last few songs. Everybody was singing, and half the people were dancing. I was laughing, thinking about this, people were singing mostly well and at least enthusiastically, and it was just a blast. I know that we need to have our silent and sombre moments, but we need these times too. And we have just spent all of Lent in 937s of reflective songs, quiet, and confession. Sometimes we just need to praise.

24 days

24 days until I'm back in BC for the summer!

20 days before I'm kicked out of rez, yay.

I am so excited for life. Summer is coming up and after that I've got at least another year here, maybe even two or three more.

I'm a little sad though. I'm finding I care less and less about things that are happening at home. I care for people, of course. I just don't care much about events. King's is occupying more of my attention. Good, because I'm here and I can't focus my life around home and what I'm missing...but bad, because I am worried I will lose touch with too many things and people in BC.

But these are my university years. I'm going to enjoy them while I've got them.