♥

Someday When I'm awfully low When the world is cold I will get a glow just thinking of you And the way you look Tonight. ♥

holes

When you fall in a hole you're supposed to try to climb OUT not let yourself drown in the water flooding in But sometimes I think you have to let yourself float on the water Stop fighting And let the water that was supposed to drown you carry you up.

when I don't get enough sleep

Some days you just have to cry. Frick I just scratched my freaking eye. How do you even do that? Once I got past this morning (waking up late, not being able to shower before philosophy, sore stomach), I felt awesome. Delia sent me some music I super wanted and did not expect to get and Abby just left a little sentiment on my facebook wall. It's funny how even though I was stressing about history and complaining about theo, my friends could make me feel so...settled. How they could get me through my whole day surrounded by a little cloud of...feeling loved, I guess. Anticipating the arrival of my grad dress, jeans, and other various necessities (and some not-so-necessary =P) made me a little more happy. Then I get to about 7 or so and just feel sick. I didn't go to the play - went to visit Matt at work instead. Felt good to get outside, not so good because I'm overtired and it just spent energy I didn't have. Watched Twilight (ewww). Come back to my room and it's invaded by roommate and friends. They left pretty quick because I asked them to but for some reason I'm still not asleep. Don't know what's wrong with me. I just want to cry. It's like, I still haven't cried. Just need to get rid of those tears. Except, I'm pretty sure that whatever's making me want to cry all the time isn't going to go away just like that. It's ongoing. I don't feel like I belong. I'm always overtired. I feel far from home. I don't know what I'm going to do next year. I'm afraid that this whole year will go by and leave me with no idea what I want to do. I'm scared. All I want to do lately is escape. Escape school, escape hard decisions, escape a society that expects me to do something "productive"...something that contributes. I hate history. More like shitstory. Time for bed.

How great is our God. How GREAT is our God.

20,000 Leagues

So I'm not exactly getting the most work done on my English paper...I'm wondering if I can use IMDB as a secondary source if I quote people's reviews. This movie is honestly killing me. It's THREE hours long, and I'm only at 2 hours 5 minutes. I'm worried that when I actually get to the writing of my paper, I'll write like the reviews I've been reading on IMDB. The only things they kept from the original novel are character names and the basic idea of a submarine with a captain who has cut himself off from reality. Arronax is an arrogant assistant professor, his manservant is replaced by a black man who he helped get onto the train to the Abraham Lincoln, Ned Land is an Australian villain whose entire role is overshadowed by the black helper, Nemo is a nutter, they've added women to the story...they had to be politically correct, of course. Yup, I'm dying. Oh look, Ned just escaped to some random island! That was easy. And Arronax lost his hand! It's like Star Wars! He even does the whole Darth Vader "let's choke everybody" thing, if only with his new metal hand instead of the Force. Ugh. This is supposed to take place in 1886... I hope i can finish this paper in...35 hours. Minus sleep, minus an hour of philosophy tomorrow morning, minus 2 hours of theo (blah). And eating. And being at Kevin's this afternoon. Yikes.

music to my ears

Lately, I can't get music out of my head. I can't even be in my room without some music playing. If Lauren goes to bed before me and I'm on my computer, I plug in my headphones. Working on a paper? Quiet background stuff. Talking to friends on msn and playing bubble games? crank the fun, upbeat stuff. If there's no music on, I sing. Michael Buble, Owl City, Carrie Underwood, David Archuleta, GOO GOO DOLLS, Sugarland, FM Static, Colbie Caillat, Rascal Flatts, Paramore, Taylor Swift, Stabilo. When I get up in the morning it's one of the first things I do. Sit up, get dressed, then open my computer and find some good music, plug in the speakers, and THEN I can make breakfast, brush my teeth, do my hair. Music is my life =P (I love Love Actually too) I have my favourites, of course...The Bird and the Worm, Fireflies, most of Play On, Slide, Better Days, Everything, Summer Girl...but I'm always looking for new stuff =) After all, it's the new stuff that always turns into my favourites and those old favourites become the songs that come up on your shuffle and you go, "Wow, this song! I haven't heard it in so long!" Those songs that remind you of other years, that make you reminisce. That's the great thing about music. You can ignore a song for years and then come back to it and it sounds exactly the same...but it tends to have a different meaning. When you were first obsessed with it, it was just a fun song. Now you listen to it and you might remember the first place you heard it, or that you always listened to it when you were feeling shitty, or that's what we listened to at the Ultimate tournament... So after leaving this open all day on my computer, I have one more thing to add: A Walk to Remember was harder to watch this time than the last.

focus

It's funny how little I know about prayer, yet in two days I'll be talking about it (however briefly) at 937 as if I know what I'm talking about. And the part that took the longest to get in there is one of my favourites: John 16:23 and 24 says, “In that day you will no longer ask me anything. I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.” Somebody might take that to mean that anything we ask for will be given to us. Like Larry in VeggieTales looking at the verse “With God, all things are possible,” (Matthew 19:26) and saying, “Oh great, cause I’ve always wanted to be a chicken! Do you think God would turn me into a chicken?” God can, but that doesn’t mean he will. God will always answer prayer, but it may be a “no,” or a “yes, but in time.” And I have yet to come up with a satisfactory conclusion for that thought... I've been sitting here working on this for days. No wonder prayer is constantly on my mind. But at this point I wonder sometimes if I'm not focusing too much on saying the words and forgetting the reason I do so.