when I don't get enough sleep

Some days you just have to cry. Frick I just scratched my freaking eye. How do you even do that? Once I got past this morning (waking up late, not being able to shower before philosophy, sore stomach), I felt awesome. Delia sent me some music I super wanted and did not expect to get and Abby just left a little sentiment on my facebook wall. It's funny how even though I was stressing about history and complaining about theo, my friends could make me feel so...settled. How they could get me through my whole day surrounded by a little cloud of...feeling loved, I guess. Anticipating the arrival of my grad dress, jeans, and other various necessities (and some not-so-necessary =P) made me a little more happy. Then I get to about 7 or so and just feel sick. I didn't go to the play - went to visit Matt at work instead. Felt good to get outside, not so good because I'm overtired and it just spent energy I didn't have. Watched Twilight (ewww). Come back to my room and it's invaded by roommate and friends. They left pretty quick because I asked them to but for some reason I'm still not asleep. Don't know what's wrong with me. I just want to cry. It's like, I still haven't cried. Just need to get rid of those tears. Except, I'm pretty sure that whatever's making me want to cry all the time isn't going to go away just like that. It's ongoing. I don't feel like I belong. I'm always overtired. I feel far from home. I don't know what I'm going to do next year. I'm afraid that this whole year will go by and leave me with no idea what I want to do. I'm scared. All I want to do lately is escape. Escape school, escape hard decisions, escape a society that expects me to do something "productive"...something that contributes. I hate history. More like shitstory. Time for bed.