Today was just so long. And I don't know what to write for this take home. I just want to sleep. But I have just over three hours to bang out at least four pages on this take home, and then we'll finish going over the last two philosophy questions, and then I will hopefully have time for a shower before we go write the final.

There's something about Doctor Who.

It's hard to put a finger on it exactly. A lot of people will say it's adventure, it's wild, it's scary, it's an escape. But something about it strikes me really deeply, which is unusual for a TV show.

I always get pretty emotionally invested in fictional characters, whether book, movie, TV show, or whatever. I cried when Sirius died, and in A Walk To Remember. I ship characters and get really happy when they finally get together. But there's some quality about Doctor Who that's hard to place. Maybe it's because what it's really about is a lonely man travelling the universe in a blue box. Episodes like Journey's End just knock you over the head with that because the TARDIS goes from this:

to this:

They go off and have adventures and learn about life and the world and save people and planets and universes over and over again, but in the end the companions leave, or forget, or get lost, and it's just the Doctor again, alone.

Maybe it's because of scenes and quotes like these:
"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things but vice versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant."
"Look at the sky. It's not dark and black and without character. The black is, in fact deep blue. And over there: lighter blue and blowing through the blues and blackness the winds swirling through the air and then shining, burning, bursting through: the stars! And you see how they roar their light. Everywhere we look, the complex magic of nature blazes before our eyes."

Then again, maybe it has to do with my own experience over the last semester. Especially the way I perceive myself and others. That's one big thing about the Doctor. Like in the Christmas special last year, when he asks a boy "Who's this?" and the boy answers, "Nobody important." He turns slowly back to the boy and says, "Nobody important? Do you know in nine hundred years of time and space I've never met anyone who wasn't important before."

Maybe it's silly how inspired I get sometimes. Maybe it's silly that a TV show can make me feel better about the world. Maybe I'm just crazy with stress and worry these days, and just looking for an escape. I do think it's ridiculous that I can't articulate my thoughts or feelings about it.

And now I'm watching Journey's End again just because, and I'm going to cry. Wilf is a bamf.

Exam tomorrow. Bedtime now.

ways I waste my time these days:

Doctor Who. It can be funny, serious, sad, and inspiring, so no matter how I feel I can pick an episode and enjoy it. Lately I keep watching Doomsday, Journey's End, and Vincent and the Doctor just because they all make me cry.

youtube. I listen to music ALL the time, or I watch those BBC TV serials that I can't find anywhere else.

reading. I finished two books last week while I should have been writing my English and theology papers.

blog-creeping. people are fasinating.

playing sheepshead. Last time I played I was completely out of it so I lost pretty big, but I'm getting way better at the game so overall it's been worth it.

I'm not getting much homework or studying done.

I am quivering with emotion. My deepest feelings, straining against my skin, spilling from my lips, pouring from my eyes. Undefined, raw. Boundless. It's a wonder no one sees. The very air must be trembling. I ache with overwhelming passion. Everything my senses take in simply fuels it all. Every beautiful lyric, every stunning image, every cruel comment, every heartbreaking story. Like a physical power, forcing itself out of my body. I want to scream with the joy and pain of it all.

oh, school life

I went from being good at harmony (last semester) to being completely shitty at it (last week) to being among the top people in the class (today). I don't understand how people struggled so much with building dominant seventh chords, and it pisses me off that I wasted so much time this weekend working on our homework and hand-in assignment when he just cancelled/postponed them. I could have been working on philosophy, in which case I wouldn't be so stressed right now.

I'm also sick of freezing up whenever I have a melody or rhythm test. I can rock this shit if I can just do it front of the instructor.

Philosophy sucks cause I have so many other classes that I don't really care about it, and because the text is so dense and the prof isn't overly interesting. Theology might be interesting but I hardly remember any of the classes so probably not. And English is honestly pretty boring. The only course I love is choir, which is so great I think of it more as downtime than class-time.

People are awesome.

I have many more friends living in houses this year so I think I need to go visit all of them. It's definitely nice to get out of the apartments and the school every so often.

And finally, I'll be home for a visit on Friday! I am so pumped for this, it's unbelievable.

When your tears are spent on your last pretense, and your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense...

work, and some other things

Something I have learned over the last couple of weeks since I started work is that while I like getting off work early, I really prefer closing shifts over morning. My boss leaves at around 5 and so does one of my managers. The less people left at work, the more fun it is. Eman, the closing manager, is my favourite and she loves me too so it's always fun with her. As long as I don't get stuck closing with the slowest cashiers, it usually ends up being a good time. I still don't want to go back next summer, but it's going better than it was for the first two and a half weeks.

The grad is on Wednesday. How weird that all my TA kids are graduating ;)

My birthday was so good. I worked for 9.5 hours but I came home to my entire family over for dinner, cake, and gifts for me and my dad. I got "birthday presents" at work (my managers gave me a couple of boiled eggs and a cucumber) and even though it was insanely busy most people were oddly lighthearted so it was not a terrible day. The evening was awesome with all my family. Sunday was like a continuation of my birthday - two friends from Abbotsford showed up out of the blue (they meant to go to Fleetwood CRC for the evening service but hit traffic, so they came over instead) and I got to hang out with them for a bit. Then Abby surprised me with a cupcake and sparkler and some other treats! Between the three of them, they made my day. And on Saturday I am going out for dinner and then drinks with a few friends so it just goes on and on.

School is up in the air. I keep forgetting to call SFU/am working whenever I think about it and they are closed when I get home.

I have a sweet new list of books to read. Even better, I have a sweet new stack in my room to read.

Listening to: For Good - Chris Colfer and Lea Michele

blah, technology

so, ignoring the fact that my background is simply my picture over and over again, I like my blog better now. yay!

my webcam turned on by itself, which makes me a little nervous because it's not a running application according to the task manager so I'm a little worried it's being controlled remotely. I don't know how the heck somebody would get access to my webcam (or why) but it freaks me out a little. I'll probably shut my computer down tonight and see what happens tomorrow, and meanwhile keep it covered with tape or something. Yikes. Technology is scary.

and, the Canucks lost again tonight. darn. it was cool to be downtown and see everybody still in pretty good spirits though. people were a little bummed but overall everybody was good about it. they cheered at the beginning of every period, for all of Schneider's saves, for the near goals, and for the fights at the end. So people aren't rioting...yet. Hopefully they will do better on Friday. Go Canucks :)

Listening to: Danza Kuduro - Don Omar ft. Lucenzo

work, and the prospective summer

I think it is time for an end to the numbered posts. I made it through 240 days of apartment 11 (with a few little breaks between) and now it's time to close that bit.

In the meantime, I finally arrived home from Honduras (as of a week ago, as most of you know). Working at Two Ee's for one final summer, since they'll hire me back even though I'm only home for a couple of months. No idea what will happen in September in terms of money - I'll be very short this summer (more than usual, that is) due to losing a month of work and I am not positive about part time jobs for the school year. So we'll see. It is certainly good to be home and to see everybody. It almost makes up for all the things I miss about Honduras, including people, the Spanish language, the landscape, and the awesome rainstorms.

Speaking of Spanish, it's a beautiful language. I love listening to it being spoken (especially cause I can pick out more words than I realized). I plan to take lessons over the next year or so.

But despite missing Honduras so incredibly much, I need to stay positive, particularly because it'll be at least a year before I'm back. So, here are the things I love about home:

Seeing my family. Sunday nights at Dave and Britt's. Cheddar cheese. Apples. Wonderful friends. Access to a vehicle. Relief from 35+ degree weather, or really the constant stickiness that comes with it. My own bed. Being able to make phone calls or send texts without freaking out over the steep charges associated with such conveniences. Church. Ellen. Water that I can drink/brush my teeth with/wash food in. Mmmm.

See? There are plenty of good things about here.

Work tomorrow. Bedtime.

Listening to: Knee Deep - Zac Brown Band

Honduras

Okay so hopefully this works. The iPhone doesn't want to work with certain websites so we'll see how this goes.

Honduras has been insane! It's Thursday and I'm coming home on Monday already, although in some ways that can't come fast enough.

Things I loved about Chapernal:

- I made friends not only with kids this time but also a lot of young men and a few young women, and many older women as well when I cooked with them. Some favourites were Donaldo, who was always around to find mangoes and teach me Spanish words, Norma, who told me she wanted me to marry her brother, Julio, our 53 year old neighbour who was just precious, and Tullio, who always beat me in straight face contests.

- it was dry hot. We had no awesome river or waterfall like the other group but we also didn't suffocate in the humidity.

- visiting the water source as they were building the dam

- visiting Chapernal on one of the last days (technically our house was in Pie de la Cuesta, one of three communities - the others being Chapernal and Boca del Monte. Collectively they are referred to as Chapernal). Chapernal was in the middle and much more central so it was so fun to visit there and see some of the houses.

- we would always hang out after church services and play games, which was always really fun an super chill. It was one of the few times we never felt awkward because of lack of verbal communication

But now that we're out of the community and travelling, I almost really wish I wasn't here. I'm anxious to get home and share about everything that's happened, and hear about everything that's been happening at home. I'm really looking forward to the next couple of years and part of me just wants to get started on them right now. I think I should try to enjoy here while I'm here though, since it's going to happen whether I enjoy myself or not.

I dislike Utila right now, because I don't like heat, humidity makes it a kajillion times worse, and I don't like being constantly drenched in sweat. I'm used to sweating because of hard work (and having a nice big shirt to soak it up and sleeves to wipe my face on) but I am not used to sitting quietly on my hostel deck doing nothing at all, and still dripping sweat onto the table or the floor. And wearing tube tops and bathing suits so there's nowhere for the sweat to go. This is unbelievable. I can't wait for nighttime - it's the only time I can do anything that involves expending energy.

We watched this last night: Christian the Lion

239

one day.

Listening to: Messages - Xavier Rudd

227

We all know the worst of ourselves. We all try to hide it. We all have faults and we all worry, at one time or another, about what people are going to think of these faults. Some of us worry that we're too silly, too eccentric, too annoying, too creepy, too clingy, too self-involved.

But we also don't seem to know where the line is between bragging and affirming ourselves. Some of us leap to one side and are completely concerned with raising ourselves up. Others of us jump to the other side and insist on thinking the worst of ourselves. Why can't we find a happy medium, where we understand our weaknesses and are pleased about our strengths?

I am eccentric. I'm off the wall crazy sometimes. I can definitely be annoying. I'm stubborn and I don't take criticism very well. I talk too much. And I try too hard sometimes. But I'm also caring. I love being silly and I laugh a lot (and I LOVE to make others laugh). I am generous. I love to make people happy. I feel incredibly deeply, so when you are sad I will mourn with you, but when you are joyful I will rejoice with you. I love to share my joy with people.

What's the best thing about being you?

226

I need to finish my paper.

But regardless of how good it is, it will be done by tomorrow morning. Regardless of how well my exams go, they'll be done in 63 hours. I'll be home in 72.

And the playoffs continue.

Listening to: Cigarette - Jeremy Fisher

223

I would LOVE to take a course on Satan, or Nietzsche, or go back and do intro theo again (now that I would actually appreciate it). I'd be so interested in reading about how we can understand suffering or how we as Christians should treat alcohol consumption or the presence of demons in the world. Instead, I have to try to focus on this reading (and the subsequent journal) on encountering other religions.

Listening to: Now I Know - Gabe Bondoc

222

Okay, it's been 222 days since I moved into my room at the beginning of the year. Let's just take a moment and think about the fact that that is three 2s, in a row. WOW.

Getting drunk on a Tuesday night is a really fun idea. Not necessarily such a good idea. But it was an excellent way to finish the year (even though it's not quite done). Mix roommates, a music friend, and a couple randoms from Concordia and you get an awesome group of dancing, singing, hilarious people.

Also, I have the sweetest professors:

Dr Hales: offers me extension after extension, gives me a hug, and tells me she will be praying for me. Also gives us our exam essay question in advance. Brings English arrowroots to class. The list goes on. Favourite English professor.

Dr Stolte: tells us we'll have to work our asses off on the final, but then proceeds to tell us exactly what the questions are gonna be. Also just makes us laugh all the time, but we still learn which is awesome.

Melanie: worked with us with infinite patience and humour all year despite everything going on with her daughter's diagnosis, and produced the whole choir CD and was just generally amazing.

I'm SO excited to get out of here and go home for the summer, get away from roommates and papers, but I'm gonna miss certain things a lot.

Bittersweet, like everything else.

Listening to: False Creek Change - Said the Whale

220

9 days!

I am so pumped to go home! I can't even do homework in my room cause all I want to do is pack, despite how annoying it is to go through everything. It's also super annoying that I can't really reach my desk anymore because of the seven boxes lined up on my floor.

All that's left to do is get through 8 pages of English paper, 8 pages of Honduras journalling, two theo journals, and four exams. And a take-home.

Listening to: Falling Slowly - Glen Hansard

nostalgia

I loved last April.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRnHwHU9i54

216

Just broke the two week mark! In two weeks from yesterday, I will be HOME. What a good feeling. The not-so-good part: in that time, I have two papers to write, a gazillion things to do in terms of fundraising for Honduras, and we are supposed to have done all the readings for our retreat...tomorrow. Of which I have done none.

However, I just wrote a letter to hopefully be put in the bulletin at church. I have a huge problem with asking people for money so that was pretty hard to write but whatever. We need prayer as much as funds so it's an awareness thing too.

Time to work on my paper! Hope you are all having a good day =)

Listening to: Lion - Gabe Bondoc

205

I can't believe how irresponsible I am with food.

I love Sundays though. I love afternoons at the house. It's time to get away from the school and the apartments and time to hang out with all these people that I love. Time to share in some delicious soup and time to play some solid games (like speed scrabble). I just love the house I think. I love that their door is always open, regardless of whether anyone is even free. I have an open invitation for when there is nobody there and I just need to get away from my roommates. I love how enthusiastic all of them are too, about everything. Having me and my (grumpy) roommates over for dinner? So exciting! Benefit concert with Translators (and others) on their living room floor? It'll be a blast!! I wish my roommates were like that (they can hardly tolerate loud laughing). Honduras time is a-coming. Got some fundraisers to plan, some reading to do, an SA funding proposal to write. Canadian lit paper due Thursday, mission paper due April 5, English lit paper due April 11. That's barely two weeks away, can you believe it? 9 days later I'll be home, and 13 days after that I'll be on the way to Honduras! How in the world does time pass so fast? Battle of the Bands was on Friday night and it was a BLAST. Unlike last year, where half of the 9 or 10 bands were just kidding around and not very good, all of the 8 bands from Friday were somewhere between good and excellent. Thank you Jaki and the White Kids for proving that you can go on stage in tights and still rock your set. Handsome Men's Club for third and Hot Air Balloon Racers for second (or the other way around?) and Jazz Hands for first! Man I love the band names. Interesting fact: Jaki and the White Kids was formerly the Testostertones, before Jaki. Glad to see they've got some multiculturalism going on. Life is good. Stressful and busy and surprising, but so good. Listening to: Living in Colour - Frightened Rabbit Cosmic Love - Florence and the Machine